Alternative hip hop band Ajah

Workshops on sound engineering, sex, comedy and poetry (not all at the same time); discussions about children’s stories and lesbian parenting; a bicycle tour of women’s history in Manchester, a Pussy Riot smartmob; Manchester will be treated to something slightly different next week (3-4 November 2012).

We spoke to organiser Amelia Lee to find out a bit more about new festival Sapphormation.

What is Sapphormation?

Sapphormation is a festival for women who love women, who also like to think, discuss, debate, try new activities, experience culture and basically do a lot more than the usual things found on the gay scene (which frequently exclude many more women than they include).

Who’s it for?

This festival is for women who love women (self define this as you see fit, we definitely wanted it to be more inclusive than just ‘lesbian’ or even ‘lesbian and bisexual women’).

The festival includes trans women who love women, and we wanted to spell this out to make sure all trans women know that they are very welcome at all the events.

The event is not for men or for women who do not love women, although some events are LGBTQ such as Rapture Club Night and the Rainbow Families event, the main ethos of the festival is to have some precious women-only space.

Why do we need events like Sapphormation?

There are a lot of issues that affect women who love women, that we don’t always have a chance to explore.

Things like dealing with ‘multiple identities’ – being working class and bisexual, for example, or identifying as a lesbian who is also a mother, and who also has a disability.

We thought it was important to have a chance for women who love women to get together, think and talk about issues that affected them, outside of the narrow scope of clubs and pubs in the gay village.

What are you personally looking forward to the most out of all the events on the programme?

I can’t wait for the ‘Les-Bi Clear About This’ panel debate and question time. We have some real superstars of our community represented at it, so expect some lively discussion!

 Sapphormation takes place on Saturday 3rd and Sunday 4th November 2012, at venues around Manchester, UK. It is free to attend, but booking is recommended as some sessions have very limited availability. 

In the coming weeks, the Irish government is scheduled to announce legislation in relation to transgender people. I should be happy about this. I should be hitting up interflora for my girlfriend and browsing Tesco’s finest cake isle for the local Trans Support Group, but instead I’m anxious – anxious about what our government will force upon already vulnerable people.

As a community, we’re not hopeful.

The current state

While Ireland has made very sudden and swift advancements in human rights legislation, it is still disturbingly far behind. Gays and lesbians can’t marry; they have to resign to civil partnership. They can adopt, but still only singly, cutting off one parent legally. But this is all progress in the eyes of the Irish; transgender people still have no legal protection. An article by Senator Katherine Zappone, published by the Irish Times on the matter, garnered these online comments:

Get yelled at or get beaten up?

“So if I (with all my equipment intact) put on a dress and sign a form then “hey, presto” and as if by magic I’ll be woman?”
SaintRuth1

“’Get over it’; you are still a man who has undergone castration”.
Lyndakennedy

As if transgender people don’t have to deal with enough in airports, at graduations, outside toilets and changing rooms, they have to see it all online. And as outlandish as the above comments may seem, hear it from me, living in Ireland for 10 years, these comments are the norm – in cafés, living rooms and clubs.

The legislation

This upcoming legislation, if the quotes from our Minister for Social Protection, Joan Burton are to be believed, will drag apart happy and stable loving marriages and families. Going on legal advice from the Attorney General, the new laws will continue to cause ‘forced divorces’ of transgender people because of the constitutional protection of marriage.

The Irish have had to adapt rapidly to the changes in law, educating themselves in tolerance, and this is to be applauded. Although, as commendable as this is, these changes in law reflect issues that have existed for a long time. These issues are far from new, and it’s time that people recognize that.

The comments above are just disgusting and its time our government acted at the root of this thinking to allow transgender people in Ireland to feel comfortable in their identities and allowed to express it.

The concern of the community here is that the new law will require transgender people go through intrusive surgeries or accept a diagnois of a mental illness in order to gain gender recognition.

The reality

Currently trangender people must visit a psychologist and admit Gender Identity Dysphoria before they are offered any further transitional medical help. They have to pay for and attend three expensive private psychologist appointments, convince the psychologist they are gender dysphoric and have them write a letter detailing their private and personal lives. They then take this letter to their GP, have their GP refer them to Loughlinstown Hospital in Dublin and THEN be seen by an endocrinologist and receive tests to check their suitability to hormones.

These are huge hurdles to leap through to access the most basic in trans healthcare. This all before surgery. If they require surgery they must have their hormones at appropriate levels, checked at a clinic which is only open one day a month, and then fly over to Charing Cross Hospital in London for their operations. Trans children are treated the same way.

With treatment so inaccessible for trans people and transphobia so widespread, it’s not suprising that rates of suicide are so high.

In Ireland and the UK, 78% of transgender people have seriously thought about ending their lives and 40% of those have attempted, 22% of those at leest 2 to 5 times. (The Trans Mental Health and Well-being Survey 2012)

These figures show to highlight the need for adequate human rights legislation in relation to transgender people. Transgender people should not have to undergo surgery to identify in their gender. They should not have to be diagnosed as having a mental illness. And they should definitely not have to separate from their loved ones to be who they are.

Vanessa Lacey of TENI at the TEA Rally for Recognition in Dublin on 20th October.

Activists outside the Dáil, the Irish Government.

LGBT Noise, TEA, ILGA Europe amongst others at the protest.

Another blow

Recently Meteor, a mobile phone provider, placed this advert into Irish broadcasting. While it it was aimed at having a laugh, the state of society and law facing transgender people currently meant it was grossly offensive and just another cheap slur at another minority group a.k.a. Paddy Power style. TENI, the Transgender Equality Network of Ireland issued a Twitter hashtag, #meteorshame, which trended in Ireland and is a major talking point of the community. The advert serves as an example of the Irish context on transgender rights.

The word is out

One positive that can be seen coming out of this advert is the creation of a dialogue. The meteor ad has created debate amongst not only the people of the trans community but also those outside of it. I’ve heard people debating in my café, I’ve heard them at home and I’ve heard them on the street. The rights of trangender people are coming to the fore and lets goddamn hope the Irish government get it right. As a country, we’re adapting fast but we’ve still many an adaption to take on – I’ll be so proud if we do.

Right, I’m off to bookmark those flowers and cycle down to Tesco to check out the celebration cakes. Wish me luck!

“To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.”

So says Mouse, the young Nebuchadnezzar crew member in the first of the highly successful Matrix films.  Never has a quote been more pertinent than this week, when Lana Wachowski, one of the film’s co-creators, received the Visibility award from the Human Rights Campaign.

A role model

So why did she receive this award?  Lana’s answer: “For being myself.”

And it’s true.  Founded in the US in 1980, The Human Rights Campaign is a civil rights movement working to achieve equality for LGBT people.  The Visibility Award is given for what it suggests: an LGBT person who is ‘visible’, in the public eye, as a role model for others.

As it turns out, the multi-talented director, writer and producer (to name just a few of her gifts), who describes herself as “painfully shy”, is exactly the sort of role model any child, teenager, or adult for that matter, would be lucky to have.

Prior to her receiving this award, I knew nothing about Lana Wachowski’s life and very little about her professional career.  Having watched her acceptance speech for this award, I cannot imagine a time when I will not be one of her admirers.

Funny and moving

As funny as it is moving, this speech picks out pivotal personal moments in Wachowski’s life (“having good parents is like winning the lottery”), as well as broadly questioning the nature of our society (“No one likes making speeches…why does anyone make them?”).

Intelligent, articulate and perceptive, Lana Wachowski is indeed the ultimate role model for any young person, LGBT or otherwise.  I cannot do justice to her speech merely by commenting on it, so please watch it here:

The video cannot be shown at the moment. Please try again later.

Ladies! Don’t you just hate it when you’re walking along the street, minding your own business, when suddenly you get a whiff of the sexiest man imaginable and suddenly you and every other woman in a 5-mile radius are compelled to find him and stare adoringly at him, licking your lips suggestively. We’ve all been there. It’s a true science fact known as “the Lynx effect”.

“True science fact” meaning, of course, “imaginary marketing bollocks”.

Lynx (known as ‘Axe’ in the USA) spend millions every year trying to convince 13 year old boys that their cheap, overpowering deodorant will somehow transform their awkward desperation into irrestible sexiness.

Women in Lynx adverts are always gorgeous, sex-mad, and there for the taking by any man who smells of Lynx. The ‘women-as-prizes’ line of thinking is not limited to Lynx adverts, of course – just look at any action film – but Lynx have really taken it to a new level with an advert which appeared in Hong Kong last week.

In case you can’t see the small text on the poster, it reads “Unleash the Lynx effect and claim your reward from Cecil”.

This ad is a reference, of course, to the story that appeared in September 2012 of a Hong Kong millionaire who was offering HK$500 million (£40m) to any man who would marry his lesbian daughter.

Nevermind the fact that the daughter in question, 33-year-old Gigi Chao, is happily in a relationship with another woman for seven years – so happy, in fact, that the couple had a Civil Partnership five months ago.

And yet, Gigi’s father has such little respect for her identity, relationship, independence or happiness, that he has made her into a prize worth HK$500m.

Gigi is a prize, and her lesbian identity a simple hurdle for the right man to overcome. And now here come Lynx, helping enterprising men get the cash with their lesbian-curing spray.

Lynx’s advert is a joke of course, a cheeky ‘lad-culture’ bit of fun, that no one is going to take seriously. So why get annoyed about it?

Well, because it’s shit like this that perpetutate attitudes that lesbians have to deal with every day. Often it’s well-meaning and patronising: “It’s just a phase” “You just haven’t met the right man yet”; but sometimes it’s aggressive: “I could turn you straight” “You just need a good fuck”.

When lesbianism is presented as a temporary problem for a man to overcome, then protestations become challenges for a man – nay, a hero, on his heroic venture towards his prize. ‘No’ becomes ‘not yet’, ‘maybe’ or ‘yes but I want you to chase me’.

Nevermind the $50m, ‘turning a lesbian straight’ is the ultimate prize. Imagine being so very manly, so very irrestible, that you could lure a lesbian. Not all men think this way, naturally, but a minority do. This kind of thinking is a frustration for lesbians, of course, but it also deeply affects bisexual women.

Lynx and other perpetuators of this macho bullshit are the reason why some women prefer to identify as lesbian despite feeling that they might be bisexual. It’s also the reason why some lesbians feel like bisexuals ‘betray’ the lesbian community. It’s horribly unfair, and darkly ironic. It’s no more the case that bisexual women are lesbians who ‘turn’ for men, than it’s true that lesbians are predatory creatures who ‘turn’ straight women.

Gigi, by the way, has shown rather more dignity than her father. Despite being approached by 1,500 men, some bearing nude pictures, she has tried to laugh off the attention, saying, rather unconvincingly “It’s really sweet of him to do something like this as an expression of his fatherly love”.

In this sad tale we’re all victims: Gigi, lesbians, and bisexuals alike. And let’s not forget those hapless young Lynx customers either, sent on a wild goose chase and dousing themselves in more and more cheap deoderant in their doomed quest for love.

Newsflash, kids – advertising lies.

There’s a nationally or internationally assigned ‘day’ for everything now, isn’t there?

There are the nice ones:

21^st Jan – National Hugging Day

6^th Feb – Pay A Compliment Day

There are the not so nice ones:

13^th Feb – Blame Someone Else Day

6^th August – Work Like A Dog Day (as a teacher, the timing of this one is particularly entertaining to me)

And the downright weird ones:

26^th Jan – Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day

19^th Sept – Talk Like A Pirate Day

Incidentally, I once taught a student whose mother religiously observed Talk Like A Pirate Day.  It was a source of constant disappointment to me that we never had a Parents’ Evening on this date.

National Coming Out Day

Anyway, October 11^th 2012 was National Coming Out Day.  At first, I was sceptical.  I mean, why particularly assign a day to coming out as being gay?  Surely this, one of the biggest and most personal decisions of a person’s life, should be done in that person’s own time, at an appropriate moment for them.

Besides which, for most people this revelation isn’t really planned.  Of course, you try to plan it.  A thousand different scenarios are envisaged before the real discussion is had: the tears, the shouting, the denial, the ultimate (hopefully) acceptance.  But in reality, for me certainly, the subject popped its head over the parapet when I was definitely least expecting it and then it was, well…out.

As a member of the LGBT community, I was uneasy with my feeling that National Coming Out Day was not needed.  Indeed, in my more militant moments, I generally considered it to be an example of completely useless propaganda, invented only to remind the masses that gay people were still there.  I shocked myself with my own capacity for venom and vitriol.

A proud history

So, not wanting to dismiss anything until I really understood it, I delved a bit further.  My first port of call was to find out about the history of the day.  This was helpfully provided to me by the Human Rights Campaign website.  Essentially, the day commemorates the second LGBT demonstration in Washington in 1987, in which half a million Americans expressed their desire for the LGBT community to have rights and opportunities equal to that of the heterosexual community.  Many national LGBT groups were born of this march and, since then, a number of steps forward have been taken: 6 states have now legalised gay marriage, 21 states have outlawed discrimination based on sexual orientation and hate crimes based on sexual orientation or gender identity are now punishable by federal law.

Indeed, since 1987, the whole world has become a different place for LGBT people.  When I first properly came out, around 12 years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that it would be legal, let alone socially acceptable, for me to publically declare a legal bond with another woman and have children.  Now the debate could rage all day as to whether these things have truly been achieved; the gay marriage row quite rightly goes on and yes there are still hurdles to overcome.  But, the point is, immense amounts of progress have been made.

Let’s celebrate

I was only 5 when this march occurred and, like many others, I owe the freedoms that I now have to be open about my sexuality to the brave and pioneering individuals who have gone before me.

And that is how I now think of National Coming Out Day.  It isn’t, in fact, a day to ensure that you are prepared to tell anyone who will listen that you are gay, or bisexual, or transgendered within a very finite 24 hour window.  It is instead a day to celebrate and to remember.

Celebrate our community.

Celebrate our lifestyles.

Celebrate our friends and families.

And remember that, not so long ago, equality was nothing more than a dream.  No it’s still not perfect; a quick look at the news most days will tell you that.  But that’s when we should use the positivity of a day like National Coming Out Day to remember that, just because it’s not perfect now, doesn’t mean it never will be.

Everybody should be able to be proud of who they are; I know I am.  Let’s join together on days like this, LGBT and heterosexual alike, to celebrate.  After all, in the words of Fatboy Slim: “We’ve come a long way, baby”.

“Marriage is contracted by two people of opposite sex or by two people of same sex” stipulates the proposition of law opening marriage and parenthood to LGBT people, initially planned to be examined by the French Ministers on the 31^st of October 2012. However, the debate is currently so heated in all the spheres of society that it is postponed to the end of January, sparing some time for ‘consultations’.

Contestation is growing

The opening of marriage to gay couples creates an unprecedented debate, even more passionate and radical than the one around the Civil Partnership (PACS) in 1999. The closer France gets to the actual examination of the proposition of law at the Assemblée Nationale – the equivalent of the Parliament – the more divided the society and the political parties are becoming. The detractors of the proposition of law blame it for being responsible of the division of society, and the public opinion is quite floating now that things are about to be official.

Even tough the public opinion is mostly favorable to the gay marriage, the question of homo-parenthood remains problematic and is slowing down the process. A recent survey shows that the percentage of French citizens favorable to the gay adoption has dropped from 58% to 53% since last year.

In the political parties, an interesting fact is that disagreements are not taking the traditional right/left  or conservative/progressive form. France is facing strong internal division of opinion within the political parties themselves about marriage and especially the Medically Assisted Procreation (MAP). The rightist party UMP (Nicolas Sarkozy’s party) encompasses the widest range of opinions and its members have been showing apprehension regarding the debate to come.

Civil Disobedience

Certain mayors have already stated that they won’t proceed to the celebration of gay marriages. The mayor of the 8^th district in Paris, François Lebel, created a wave of shock when he declared in the local press that he would refuse to celebrate gay marriages because their legalization would open the way to incest, pedophilia and polygamy. The parallel between gay marriage and polygamy has been recurrent in the last weeks and remains one of the favorites counter-arguments of the conservative sides. Some mayors therefore invited their fellows to ‘civil disobedience’ in sign of protest, although they would break the law by refusing to marry two people under the only reason that they are of the same sex. This minority of resistant mayors is asking for the creation of a ‘conscience clause’ to reevaluate the consequences of gay marriage and homo-parenthood upon society in the generations to come.

“Would you leave children in these people’s care?”

'Today, gay marriage. Tomorrow, polygamy. STOP!'

The catholic organization Civitas launched in September 2012 a 100,000 euros anti-gay marriage campaign, distributing flyers, stickers and posters in public places. They show a picture of two half-naked men parading at the Gay Pride with the slogan: ‘Would you leave children in these people’s care?’ (see photo on the home page). Civitas aims to bring together 100,000 people demonstrating in front of the Ministry of Family in Paris on the 18^th of November 2012 in order to convince the government to withdraw the proposition of law. Civitas is targeting the mainstream people to ‘re-inform the public opinion’.  Their speech and their campaign is somewhat alarmist and caricatural, announcing the programmed end of our civilization and highlighting the ‘risk’ for gay parents to bring up gay kids.

The core issues : Adoption and Medically Assisted Procreation (MAP)

If the leftist parties are overall pro-marriage, their opinion varies about adoption and MAP. Adoption is likely to be legalized at the same time as marriage, but gay couples will have to face the fact that many foreign countries including China and Russia won’t let children be adopted by same-sex parents. It will however give the chance to non-biological parents who are already in a homo-family to officially adopt their kids.

President François Hollande promised access to the MAP for lesbian couples during his campaign, before withdrawing it from the text of law to be voted. The MAP is legal in France for straight couples and represents about 20,000 births every year, but female couples have to go to Belgium or Spain to have recourse to it. Therefore, this practice already exists for LGBT people, it is simply ignored by the government. Access to MAP still receives a negative response in the public opinion and in the rightist parties. Last Friday, the 12^th of October 2012, the Socialist Bruno Le Roux, head of the deputies, promised to add an amendment to the proposition of law aiming to discuss the legalization of MAP, asserting his opposition to the Prime Minister. A step forward?

With her upcoming show The Fosters, Jennifer López is reaffirming the definition of family as inclusive of same-gender parents, biological and non-biological children, and multiple ethnicities. Unsurprisingly, anti-gay groups in the USA are panicking.

The ABC Family show will tell the story of a lesbian couple and their multi-ethnic children, some of whom are biological and others not. Teri Polo and Sherri Saum will star as the lesbian moms. David Lambert was cast as their son Brandon, and Maia Mitchell will play the foster child who brings her very real troubles into this new home. Lopez will produce and guest star the series.

It will be months before the show airs in the U.S., and the pilot is still in the works. But this has not stopped the hate group One Million Moms from protesting it. In their words:

“This program is attempting to redefine marriage and family by having two moms raise these children together.”

Not a minute too soon, is what I say. To them, there are right and wrong ways for children to be born:

“One Million Moms is not sure how the explanation will be given on how the biological children were conceived.”

What ‘explanation’ would be appropriate, OMM? Immaculate conception? Or the Stork flew the kids over on her beak?

As for OMM’s final judgment on The Fosters:

“While foster care and adoption is a wonderful thing and the Bible does teach us to help orphans, … none of this material is acceptable content for a family show.”

Of course it is the Bible that gives OMM authority to decide what kinds of families are acceptable and which are not. The Bible also says owning people and making them work against their will and for no pay is fine; your parents get to stone you if you disobey; and watch out, eating an oyster is an abomination.

The One Million Moms that never were

You might remember One Million Moms as the group that protested Ellen Degeneres’s spokesperson contract with the American retailer JC Penney earlier this year.

Ellen responded by clarifying what to her are traditional values: “I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.”

Rightfully JC Penney stuck it out with her, and, needless to say, public opinion swelled in Ellen’s support. Thousands bombarded OMM’s Facebook account (which never approached anything close to one million “friends”) with posts criticizing the group and supporting Ellen.

So much so that OMM ended up pulling its rant, and eventually shut down the entire account. Nowadays, if you search “One Million Moms” on Facebook you will find:

• One Million Moms Behind Ellen
• One million Human Beings Against One Million Moms
• 1 Million Moms Against One Million Moms
• Four Million Moms (& Dads) telling One Million Moms to SHUT UP

As OMM’s new bullying target, Jennifer López has a lot to win for same sex couples’ rights. Firstly, the fiasco becomes an opportunity for readers to show their support. Browse some of the outlets carrying this news and you’ll see that the comments on the bottom of the page overwhelmingly support López and ridicule OMM.

What does this mean? It means, happily, that the days in which a bunch of bigots controlled the media are waning. And that is in part thanks to celebrities coming out as gay like Ricky Martin, or allies like López who promote the radical idea that people have a right to love whomever they chose.

Gone are the Latino stereotype Ricky Ricardo’s days

Far from the staunch conservatism some might associate them with, many Latino celebrities are standing for an inclusive society.

Don’t get me wrong — I love I Love Lucy. She married a Latino during the Cold war. The show poked fun at Ricky’s bad English in an endearing way. He represented Latinos not as murderous, self-destructive gangsters a la West Side Story, but as hard-working family people.

Decades later. Latinos lead again in changing our perception of what is right and what is normal in society. Ricky Martin’s coming out in 2010 was one such moment. Now we have Jennifer López and The Fosters. I can’t wait to see the show.

Gracias, Jennifer. Don’t back down now!

Once upon a time in a land, where credit was plentiful and trust was held in our banks, a new currency came to be in the kingdom of LGBT – the pink pound.

The people of this land were bubbly, beautiful and with just the right amount of brand-awareness. Sadly all were barren – doomed to frivolously flounce from one relationship to another without hope of commitment or children.

So powerful was this pink pound that it allowed the community of LGBT endless travel and a generally fabulous lifestyle which fortunately made up for lack of substance in their otherwise wonderful existence.

As time went by equality laws came to pass that meant no longer were the lives of those in LGBT shallow and without purpose for now they could have kids, get married (just about) and share property.  Alas, these laws came at a great cost, the loss of the much coveted and widely sought after pink pound.

 Myths

It’s alright I haven’t followed the rabbit down the hole to join the Mad Hatter, I am merely reflecting on the myth that is the pink pound.

It was about twenty years ago that this great vision of the pink pound was put across, more than likely by some marketing schmuck trying to glorify a market segment not yet being tapped.

The idea seems to lack a general credibility as without equality laws to protect the LGBT community, in combination with the general intolerance of the day, this sector would be far more prone to poverty.

No money in poverty though, so best to focus on the pinky ‘dinks’ (Double Income No Kids). So what if the myth did not fit with reality, these contradictions rarely hinder the marketing industry from making a buck, pink or otherwise.

Reality check

Since that time LGBT families have become a lot more visible. Unfortunately, equality came around a decade too late and just as we begin to have the liberties to enjoy our hard earned ‘pink’ pounds the country has dipped into a global recession with low interest rates, high inflation and poor credit. Meaning? It is better to spend than to save.

Consider this: if we spend our pound today we can get 100 sweets but with inflation being high we might only get 95 sweets for that same pound next year, worst still if we save that pound and earn interest on it we still might not be able to buy the 100 sweets that we can get today.

So what’s the point? The point is that everyone is very interested in our money right now, no one more so that those schmucks trying to sell us the next big thing for Christmas.

In economic terms we are all either savers or consumers (spenders). For all the savers you can stop reading here (I salute you). For all the consumers, read on for I have some tools and tips that you may wish to consider in the run up to Christmas.

Budgeting for dummies

Step 1 – Set up a table, this can be on Excel, a notebook or the back of a fag packet – whatever makes you most comfortable. You should have four or five columns across the top to reflect each period of earnings, the easiest way is probably to title your columns as months. You should now note down all your income over the next three months along with all your regular bills. Oh and don’t forget January! Try as you might (and I have tried it) you cannot live on baked beans for a whole month.

Step 2 – You should now have a table with your income at the top (inflows) and a list of your expenses (outflows) beneath it. Step 2 is then to consider all the other ad hoc activities, events, drinks, Christmas night outs, food, travel and any other ad hoc expenses over the next few months.  It really helps to look through your diary and allocate a realistic budget for each item. It is also worth considering the value of these activities and prioritising what is most important.

Step 3 – Now that you have a list of your income less your expenses you should have a total figure.  This balance indicates your residual income, which can either be saved or spent. Do not be surprised if it is negative, this is the point where you may have to loop back to step 2 and readjust some of those activities according to the priority. End of night kebab low priority, Christmas tree high priority.

As a contingency, I have a few ‘household taxes’ which I use when in need, some examples to consider … a swear box (which can be very profitable when brought in during family visits or DIY), raiding your partner’s pockets at the end of the day, offering lifts home to your friends for a small surcharge and regularly visiting the back of the sofa. Be creative for creativity leads to profitability.

Step 4 – Monitor your budget, this will encourage you to stick to it and remind you of all those budgets.

Katie’s Top Tips

I have three top tips that I would strongly recommend to anyone budgeting for Christmas:

1. Manage your expectations.
2. Do not drink and debt.
3. Avoid credit cards.

Whatever the balance you have available for Christmas use it for those items which rank as most important.

I appreciate that with children it can be difficult, everything is want want want and you as a parent want to provide. But kids are dumb and will likely forget Christmas after a couple of weeks. For example, last year I bought my nephew some Lego, my brother-in-law then proceeded to spend all of Christmas Day assembling the set whilst my nephew played with the box. Lesson learned. This year he gets a box.

Sometimes short term pain is needed for long term gain so on that basis manage your own expectations. Once you manage your own expectations it is a lot easier to manage those around you.   This year me and the missus have agreed to a twenty pound budget, due to impending nuptials. Does this mean we do not love each other? Only a schmuck would answer yes.

Finally, do yourself a favour and hide the credit cards. It is better to save and spend what little you have than spend the banks money and pay it back twice over however many months. You only need to look at the global recession to see what poor cash flow management and excessive use of debt will get you.

Final Thoughts…

By my calculation twenty pounds multiplied by 100 sweets should get me about 2,000 humbugs. That just about sums up my feelings on Christmas. Good luck and happy Hanukkah.

On Saturday, October 6, the Human Rights Campaign hosted its National Dinner in Washington DC, highlighting the progress of LGBT equality and honoring various members of society who have done their part in supporting equal rights across the country and all over the world.

The NAACP accepted the HRC National Equality Award for all of its efforts in the support of marriage equality. Sally Field, acclaimed actress and mother of three sons, including her youngest son Sam, an out gay man, was given the HRC Ally for Equality award.  Now, I have always been a fan of Sally Field. My mother is a fan, and we grew up watching a multitude of movies in my household, many of which starred Ms. Field. The fact of the matter is that Sally Field was one darn cute girl when she broke out into Hollywood. That smile! That charisma! Simply adorable.

Yes, she has not been as prominent in Hollywood as of late, sticking to mostly television work and her personal life. She has always kept private about her own life, and especially the lives of her children. When her son Sam came out at the age of twenty, Ms. Field did not feel like it was her place to discuss his life. This does not mean she was not supportive of her son or his sexuality. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It is so obvious how appreciative and grateful her son Sam is, having such an understanding (albeit stereotypically overbearing and mom-like) mother. His presenting speech touches on this, and also makes light of the fact that even though his mom is a gay icon, she herself was not necessarily aware of her status as such.

Listening to the speech she gave at this National Dinner, I was reminded why Sally Field was such a Hollywood darling. She can hold an audience’s attention with her distinct and carrying voice. Her smile is genuine and lovely. And she is a woman who has lived and loved, and emanates that love in her body language and words. In her speech, she radiates pride as she announces that the three things she is most proud of are her sons. Specifically, she talks about her youngest son Sam, and how she knew he was different than his brothers, no matter how hard he tried to catch up to them and outdo them in any masculine endeavor.

As she talks about recognizing his uniqueness throughout his childhood and beginnings of adulthood, it is impossible not to feel a warmth in your heart. Even though she saw parts of him that she perhaps understood before he did, she withheld from pushing him before he was ready. Her choice of words is powerful. “Nature made Sam. It wasn’t a choice.” And then she addresses the

families and specifically the parents who do not support their gay children, the ones who shun their own sons and daughters, and she emphatically states that she finds this “unacceptable”. I wanted to shout out an “Amen”, but then I felt silly cheering on YouTube. (Still . . .AMEN!)

As she wraps up her speech, she thanks the people present at the dinner. Again, her succinct and warm words resound, “You all have fought for him, as surely as if you were one of his parents.” This recognition of all the hard work and effort advocates and activists have pushed through is meaningful. But the real applause came at the end, as Sally Field said, “You’ve changed and are changing the lives of little boys and girls who’ve realized somewhere along the way that they’re just different from their other brothers and sisters, and so the f*ck what!”

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To advertise or not to advertise that is the question. Once you decide to take the plunge how do you know that you are doing it right? With this in mind here is my top 5 list of dos and don’ts for those who advertise.

1. Do remove images of women from your catalogue.

If you want to hit expanding markets then appeal to a country’s better side. For example, Ikea decided it was a good idea to ‘airbrush’ women out of the Saudia Arabia edition of their catalogue. Nicely done Ikea, and thanks to Guardian reporter Nesrine Malik for this little gem,

‘I perused the entire Arabic catalogue and in the Saudi Ikea universe, the world is populated entirely by single dads, children and the occasional cat.’

Ikea are now in hot water with Swedish Gender Equality Minister, Nyamko Sabuni and more importantly…me. Let that be a lesson to them.

2. Don’t ‘borrow’ personal wedding photos.

Or you will get sued. This one comes from the idiot’s guide of things not to do when advertising. Well done to the US anti-gay group, Public Advocate of the United States for providing a textbook example of this. Imagine Brian Edwards and Tom Privitere’s surprise when they discovered they were now the poster boys for a dig at a State Senator Jean White and that old evil devil ‘same sex marriage’. Exactly what they hoped and dreamed of on their very happy day. ABC has a touching video of how the two came to find out that they were now such a source of national pride. It will warm the cockles of your heart.

3. Do use positive imagery and you might even find yourself running off with an award!

JC Penney, a USA fashion retailer found themselves honoured with a GLAAD award when part of their father’s day campaign involved depicting a picture of – hold your breath – a family with two dads. Of course, One Million Moms once again boycotted the chain for promoting positive inclusive family values. One Million Moms could soon find itself in trouble for overinflating their member numbers, a wee not very funny joke at their expense. If you do however want a real chuckle, visit their website.

4. Don’t use ‘dodgy’ slogans.

It doesn’t matter how big or small you are they’ll catch up with you eventually, as Australian tour operator Wicked Campers found out. It might have taken until now for one small complaint to effectively ban the company from using the slogan, ‘It’s better 2 be black than gay, cos you don’t have 2 tell your parents’ (which has been on the road since way back in 2009) but in all seriousness maybe this is a positive sign that times are changing. I am still not entirely sure what Wicked Campers were hoping to achieve with this well thought out slogan, perhaps they were just going out of their way to be ‘wicked’ (boom boom). But whatever it was they will now have to spend one shiny Australian dollar to think of something better. I wish them luck.

5. And finally… Don’t use rainbows (my personal favourite).

PepsiCo found itself in trouble with Russian anti-gay activists when the milk company used a rainbow in packaging on one of its products. In Russia it is illegal to ‘promote homosexuality’ and obviously the use of the rainbow will turn heterosexual heads everywhere into the murky underworld of ‘the gays’. Next on the hit list for the anti-gay zealots is the spectrum of light. This seedy group is known for making the worldwide ‘gay’ sign across the world whenever light is reflected in water. Russian officials were unable to comment about the SOL group but I did hear a rumour they are suggesting people only go outside in sunglasses to avoid their brains being frazzled by that troublesome natural phenomenon.

So there we are, a list and dos and don’ts for advertisers everywhere. Remember to mind your P’s and Q’s in the future and the world will be a much better place for it. Less amusing, but better.

I don’t have very many vices, really. I’m not a big drinker, I don’t smoke and I can take or leave a Dairy Milk, but when it comes to a certain reality TV show beginning with X and ending in Factor, I’m an addict. Believe me, I’m not proud of it, but no one is perfect. I’ve even been known to cancel nights out just to catch up with Dermot and the gang, and as much as I know it’s not good for me, I just can’t kick it.

This year it’s EVEN WORSE. Not because of Louis Walsh’s Miracle-Gro hair and his never-ending clichés or the beautiful face of Nicole Scherzinger (I can’t believe I spelt that right first time) but because there are TWO out and proud lady gays in the live shows.

Of course, X Factor is used to its fair share of boy loving boys, but it’s not so common to have a bit of lesbian representation especially on such a mainstream show. And the best bit? Jade Ellis and Lucy Spraggan are not just there to make up the numbers. They are both very, very talented. I’ve not been this smitten since Alex Parks stole my heart on Fame Academy circa 2003.

Lucy Spraggan (left) and Jade Ellis (right)

What I really like about both Jade, 25, and Lucy, 21, is that their sexuality is not a big deal to either of them but just a part of who they are. In an interview with Look magazine, Jade spoke about verbal abuse she’s received in the past, saying: “I’ve had very ignorant people shout out ‘lesbian’ in the street, but it’s not a derogatory thing to me” and Spraggan talked of how comfortable she feels in her own identity. She told Look: “I’ve always been ‘out’. I was never really ‘in’.”

It’s easy to dismiss X Factor and shows of its ilk for many, many reasons, but on this occasion the show has outdone itself. It would have been easy for the producers to pick a couple of straight girls that would be a walk in the park to market or worse, to make the sexuality of Ellis or Spraggan one of those horrendous sob stories designed to pull on the heartstrings of the voters (I fall for it every time) but I don’t think it’s possible to overstate what an impact this kind of exposure can have on gaybies. Role models are hard to come by, sometimes, when you’re LGBT, and for once we’re spoilt for choice. Whatever your view on X Factor, I think we can all agree that’s a bloody good thing.

When I was growing up, I longed to see someone like me on TV but most of the time was met with ridiculous caricatures or knife-wielding lesbians in Bad Girls. Life around that time would have been a hell of lot less lonely if I felt there were people, fictional or not, that I could identify with. Lucy says fans have told her she’s inspired them to come out to their families and says that’s what she’s most proud of.

She said: “It’s been amazing. I’ve done gigs and some young girls there said they were watching TV with their parents…they heard my music, their parents loved it, found out I was gay, still loved it and they’ve said, ‘Oh, I’m gay as well’ and their parents have been fine. For me, to have helped someone come out is the greatest compliment ever.

“It’s the 21^st century, and if someone doesn’t like the fact that I’m gay then I don’t want them to listen to my music. Anyone who is prejudice or homophobic or racist has got something not right in their brain.”

Jade, who lives with her daughter and her partner of six years, said: “My daughter is completely accepting of the family situation. One parent came up to me and said, ‘I only knew you two were together when my daughter said Caiden’s got two mummies’. It was normal comment. It’s the children telling the parents how it is.”

It’s about time that being a lesbian in the public eye wasn’t shameful or titillating, but normal and maybe, just maybe, Lucy and Jade will be the start of something really exciting. Sure, they might just get voted off in the first couple of weeks, but the fact they’ve got this far is good enough for me.

Two well adjusted, smart, not to mention bang tidy lesbians in one season? Hats off, X Factor. I didn’t think I could love you anymore. The only problem now is who on earth I’m going to vote for. I’m not sure my wife is going to be too happy about the phone bill. I won’t tell her if you don’t.

Standing polishing cups at work on Saturday I noticed something big. Thousands of protesters marched toward me campaigning for pro-choice in Ireland. I work in City Centre Dublin, overlooking O’Connell street, but never have I seen anything quite like this.

Ireland just isn’t the protesty-type and so to see so many passionate women taking charge of the largest street in Europe was refreshing. Thousands marched through Dublin  in what was seen as the first major mobilisation of pro-choice activists…ever!

Leaving from the Spire at 2pm they took their protest through the city to Merrion Square, a peaceful park that played host to Dublin Pride’s parade end.

The Garda Press Office initially reported 500 attendees for the pro-choice march but by later that evening the office said there could have been in excess of 2,000 people involved. To put this into an Irish perspective, the march was the largest protest in Dublin since students fought against fees in the November of 2011.

Organized in anticipation of a report on abortion from a Government appointed body, marchers called for a decriminalization of abortion and laws in line with the historic x case.

The report, to be presented to the Minister for Health next month, looks at the consequences of the European Court of Human Rights decision that Ireland failed to implement existing rights to abortion where a mother’s life is at risk.

According to ‘March for Choice‘, the organizers, “between 4,000 and 8,000 Irish women travel abroad every year, and many more avail of illegal abortion drugs and unsafe abortions.”

This is compounded by the World Health Organization who report that “70,000 pregnant people die around the world every single year from illegal abortion. They leave behind 220,000 kids, since 61% of those seeking abortions are already parents.”

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Images courtesy of Louise Hannon.

Video courtesy of Trade Union TV Ireland.

Over the weekend, stories have hit the press about Jessie J and her choice in partner, where many headlines flashed that she was “going back to men”, as if she had decided to give up on a being a vegetarian and decided to eat meat again (I’m sure there’s a pun in there somewhere).  The byline to the whole ‘going back in story’ was Jessie telling the folks over at Radio 1 that she “doesn’t like dating men because of stubble”.  This was worthy of headlines across the nation, for some obscene reason or other.

I am between two minds with this whole (non)issue. On the one hand, it’s rather disturbing the amount of publicity her sex life seems to generate, especially when she’s championing “going back to men”, just as her new book, Nice to Meet You, is hitting shelves nationwide.  Coincidence?  I think not.  On the other hand, who are we to judge?  We’re a special part of society that strongly teaches the rest of the world about acceptance of who we are, regardless of the person we love, so how come it’s OK to be ‘disappointed’ with Jessie J?

Recently, Jessie J told Metro that:

“the bisexual label irritates me. The only thing I want to be defined by is my music and personality.” 

Hold on one tiny minute there Jessie, you’re the one who labelled yourself as bisexual from the start.  Has it never crossed your mind, Ms J, that some of your fans are inspired by your confidence and the way you wore the ‘bisexual’ badge in the public eye?  Although it’s a nice idea to only be judged and defined by your music and personality, that will never be the case as you’re defined by you as a complete package, and not just certain aspects.  We take note of your clothes, diet, and approach to work, social life, and yes, who you love.  When I learnt about Jessie J being in a long term relationship with a girl, and that the song ‘L.O.V.E’ was written about said lady, the meaning completely changed for me.  I respected and admired her bravery that she portrayed through her lyrics, such as “love doesn’t choose a boy or a girl”, which was like a breath of fresh air to have such a strong sentiment about the universality of love in the mainstream.  Jessie was a modern day hero for the LGBT society, but her comments about going back to men doesn’t have to ruin that.

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I fully understand that some people might feel let down and disappointed that their favourite pop star who was also in a long term relationship with a girl has now decided to date men again, and stating this as easy as if she’s just flipped a switch.  Coming out in the first place is a battle in itself, and then having to deal with the aftermath can also be rather difficult in some instances, so Jessie’s publicity flippantly parading around that Jessie’s now got men on her radar is a little insensitive.

However, let’s flip this over and think about it from another point of view.  With all the troubles that we face in this world from different groups, shouldn’t we practise what we preach and love and accept Jessie J for who she is?  Surely we’ve got bigger fish to fry than worrying about Jessie J’s next date?  If she wants to date a man, then so be it, no point in crying over it as I believe we should be putting that energy into positive things.  We’re part of an incredible group in society where we are so loving and accepting, but when one member states they’re going to switch teams for a bit we instinctively switch to the defensive.  Come on now ladies, deep down we all know that she’ll be missing out and she’ll be back.  Let’s leave her to it, and let’s hope her publicity will start behaving in a more sensitive way in future.