I’m not going to lie, when I first came across this concert my jaw nearly hit the floor, and I snapped up a couple of tickets as soon as possible for the missus’s birthday.  She wanted to go and see Beyoncé and when we missed our chance to see her on her Mrs Carter tour then Chime for Change popped up, it was fate wasn’t it really? I like to think so.

However, when I dug a little deeper about what the concert represents, I was inspired.  With the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Florence and the Machine, Ellie Goulding, Rita Ora, Laura Pausini, Haim, Iggy Azalea, John Legend, Timbaland, and whispers of Madonna and Jay-Z making an appearance, all for the empowerment of women across the world, it’s a sensational opportunity to be a part of something rather incredible.

Although £95 a ticket seems rather steep (after seeing Pink standing, we promised we’ll always opt for seating from now on), it seems like pittance when only £10 of each ticket sale is going back into admin costs and such, and the rest going straight to charity, and a charity you choose.  There are three categories that are being focused on, Justice, Education and Health, and after the concert you’re given the option of which great cause you want to help be a part of.  There is a crowd funding platform associated with the initiative, which is an excellent way of making you feel personally involved in the process.

Beyoncé, co-founder and artistic director of Chime For Change has recently said “I am really happy that so many amazing artists and presenters have come together to support Chime For Change on June 1, Our goal is to have a great time together while we unite and strengthen the voices of girls and women around the world.”

The concert is estimated to be viewed by 1billion people, and broadcasted in over 150 countries!  I hope that the message that’s going to be delivered in such a powerful way will empower people across the world to help others, not just women, but everyone and anyone who needs help with help, justice and education, whatever little that act may be, it will make a world of difference to the people who really need it.

What will you chime for?

The lesbian love story La Vie d’Adele – Chapitre 1 & 2 (Blue Is The Warmest Colour), was picked as winner from a group of 20 films. The festival, held in Cannes – South France – showcased 12 days of film premiers, award ceremonies and celebrity appearances.

When shortlisted, critics were unsure whether the graphic lesbian sex scenes would be too much for the viewers but the jury, led by renowned US filmmaker Steven Spielberg, offered the award not just to the director (Adbellatif Kechiche) but also to the films main two stars (Adele Exarchopoulos and Lea Seydoux)

The trio were met with a standing ovation from the audience as they accepted the trophy.

Regarding the film, Kechiche said: “The film had a beautiful French youth that I discovered during the long time filming the movie. It taught me a lot about the spirit of freedom.”

Spielberg said: “The film is a great love story that made all of us feel privileged to be a fly on the wall, to see this story of deep love and deep heartbreak evolve from the beginning.” He added:  “We were absolutely spellbound by the two brilliant young actresses, and the way the director observed his young players.”

The film follows a 15-year-old girl whose entire life is altered when she falls for an older person, a woman.

Whilst critics were dubious of the films graphic sex scenes, the three hour passionate coming of age story stole the hearts of the viewers.

Watch a clip from Blue Is The Warmest Colour:

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I love marriage. I love marriage even more when gayers are involved. I do. My wedding day was legitimately the best day of my life, as clichéd as that sounds. I want everyone, whatever their sexuality, to have that, if they choose.

Photograph: kuchingboy/flickr

I want everyone to experience the complete euphoria I felt holding my wife’s hand as Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship played and our favourite people clapped and cheered and high-fived us on our way out of The Caves and into married life. I mean, not my wife’s hand. Go get your own wife, she’s mine. Creep.

But when you do get your own wife, now that The House of Commons has voted to allow gay marriage in England and Wales, I want you to remember something. There’s more to equality than same-sex marriage.

Especially if you’re gay and black, or gay and disabled, or gay and poor, or anything other than gay, white and middle class. Same-sex marriage in those privileged circumstances might seem like ‘the last speed bump to equality’, but for many others gay wedding bells will not spell the end of inequality and we should not down our tools and head home just yet.

I know it looks like I’m downplaying the importance of what is inarguably a historic step for the gay rights movement, which seems odd, especially when I’ve been banging on about same-sex marriage for what seems like forever. I understand why same-sex marriage has been the priority for so many organisations and individuals for much of the 21st century but I think it’s important to recognise that it is just that. A historic step, and that once we are free to celebrate our unions however we choose, there are still inequalities and injustices that need to be addressed.

Let’s not forget those people for whom same-sex marriage was never a priority. We don’t seem to talk about them very much incase we undermine the whole argument, but they exist. Marriage, for some, is not an institution that they want any part of, and in their eyes single-issue gay politics is dangerous and ignores those that aren’t part of it. Why are we, as a community, so intent on replicating our heterosexual counterparts instead of building a more inclusive world for all?

Of course, that doesn’t mean it isn’t important or worth celebrating or a massive step forward. It is all of those things and more, and I do think that same-sex marriage has the ability to trickle down, impacting more than just our individual lives. It can undoubtedly have a positive effect on other problems that we face as a community, like homophobic bullying and teen suicide. But same-sex marriage isn’t a synonym for equality and it’s crucial we remember that or complacency will set in when there’s still so much to get angry about.

I don’t know about you, but I’m angry that some Tory MPs tried their darndest to stop me having the same rights that my straight friends take for granted and that France saw a huge anti-gay marriage protest in Paris yesterday. I’m angry that trans* people are left behind in the equal marriage bill, not to mention all the other ways they are systemically ignored or made to jump through strategically placed NHS hoops just to live. I’m angry that religious bigots are still allowed to justify their bigotry and call it a conscientious objection. I’m angry that I can’t try on men’s clothes in Topman without getting funny looks, that their shirts never look quite right anyway, and that going to the toilet anywhere inevitably means people will question if I’m in the right bathroom. I’m angry that I can’t go to Belize because I fancy women. I’m angry about the levels of biphobia that exist in the LGBT ‘community’. I’m angry about what happened in Georgia on IDAHO and absolutely horrified that a 23-year-old man was raped and murdered in Russia because he was gay.

All that anger might mean there’s a problem with my blood pressure, but there are bigger problems facing us, and many more battles we have to fight before the war is won.

When you hear someone say well you’ve got marriage now, what more do you want or my favourite, equality has gone too far, do me a favour. Tell them what you’re angry about, like I told you. Then when you’re done, turn that anger into something constructive. Together we’ll fix my blood pressure, and fix this mess for the gayers of the future.

For the most part, there has never been a better time in history to be LGBT on this earth. But every so often, in my Western middle class world, the march towards full equality halts for a breather, or there’s a skirmish by the baggage train, and you get brutally woken up to the fact that, actually, the reason there’s a campaign for equality is because there’s people in the world that actually don’t see you as human and deserving of respect.

I am referring, of course, to the Tories, of whom many appear to think gays are just a hippy newfangled case of political correctness gone mad and can be easily cast aside in pursuit of cheap political potshots at their party apparatus. Tim Loughton MP, egged on by sneaky right-wingers and what passes for the religious right in this country, tabled an amendment this evening to the Same Sex Marriage Bill that would open up civil partnerships to opposite sex couples. Now, I don’t think that there’s actually that many people that think that when same sex marriage comes in, gays should just keep civil partnerships all to ourselves in some sort of amusing gay privilege scenario, but for some reason this amendment would require the entire bill to be overhauled and put it back by several years, possibly cost £4 billion (claimed Cameron, Labour disputes this). The entire situation was less “free the straighties!” than “annoy David Cameron!” Labour, wanting to embarrass the government but also for teh gays, has been umming and ahhing all day over what to do in response.

I won’t comment on the madness of the determination of Conservative backbenchers to derail what is a serious effort by David Cameron to capture the centre ground politically and swipe Labour’s deservedly proud reputation for legislating on progressive social issues. But I was surprised by the sudden reminder that actually to some people, I don’t matter. I am 24 years old, and when I was in primary school in the 90s, I was shocked that they even had Simon and Tony on Eastenders. Then I grew up under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown and the sea-change of attitudes and legislation that has brought Parliament to this point happened. When I was in secondary school, we had this peer sex education scheme where the sixth formers taught the Year 9s about sex – I was banned from mentioning homosexuality by one of the maths teachers because “there’s legal problems” and when I pointed out that said legal problems had been repealed three years before, was told firmly to drop it. But that was a strange incident because it was so unusual.

And now we’ve got members of our political class who have been democratically elected making out that the rights of gay and bisexual people are just another political ball to be thrown around, which is just appalling. I’m shocked and appalled. Wow, is this what is feel like to be gay in Missouri? Wow, was I just able to make a serious analogy of 21st Century Britain with Missouri? Because I can, because of this:

“I warn her, I fear the playing field is not being levelled I believe the pendulum is swinging so far the other way, and there are plenty in the aggressive homosexual community who see this as but a stepping stone to something even further”

- Sir Gerald Howarth MP, this evening in the House of Commons, apparently making a serious claim that gays are planning to take over the world

Ironically, mere hours before the vote that took place, the Church of Scotland voted narrowly this afternoon to ordain and admit gay and lesbian ministers. Again, disappointing that it was narrow, but for the Church of Scotland it’s a leap forward. For the Tories to be rampaging around the House whining about “irrelevancy” and “discrimination against Christians” is a step backwards. Into a large, black hole of cynicism (for them) and sadness (for us).

In any event, Labour cleaned up their act, got behind the bill and voted down Tim “Lout” Loughton’s “wrecking” amendment 375-70 and the Same Sex Marriage boat sails onwards to the Lords, where more hostile Tories will continue to stab the gay community with a thousand tiny malevolent pinpricks. Hopefully, they’ll lose majorly there as well. But it’s sad that there’s still a significant minority of people at the highest levels of our society who don’t get that LGBT people want to get on with their lives and that marriage for many LGBT people is a part of that.

But enough sadtimes. Happy thoughts. I am going to be ordained on July 2014, and I am looking forward immensely to the legalisation of same sex marriage in 2015. I am so pleased that so many of my friends, who have been together for decades in some cases, will be finally be able to have their relationship recognised and publicly santified on the same basis as their straight counterparts. I am going to conduct as many gay weddings as my schedule will allow, and nothing will stop me. It’s going to be great! And gay. It’s going to be great and gay.

…as long as the bill passes, that is. Many Tories claim that the focus on the government should be on the economy and not on “social issues”. In which case, when the Bill comes up for the Third Reading, I suggest they think about the boost to the economy of all those extra gay weddings, and walk through that Yes lobby.

Eurovision: traditionally, the gayest spectacle in the history of mankind.  With its sequins, sparkles and over-enthusiastic pop it generally attracts more homosexuals, pound for pound, than a Kylie Minogue gig at Via Fossa.

And Eurovision 2013 was certainly no exception.  We only had to wait until the third act before the first entertaining example raised its head: the Moldova backing dancers.  Clad all in white, they truly were the epitome of camp as they gyrated happily behind the solo female singer, a woman wearing, where her skirt should have been, what I can only describe as an illuminated tea cosy.

A few acts later came Romania.  As if the fact that the singer looking like a strange cross between Dracula and Ming the Merciless wasn’t enough, the dancing essentially consisted of what appeared to be three naked blokes (a closer peek revealed flesh-coloured shorts) enjoying a bit of rough and tumble.  They were overlooked by the aforementioned vampire / Flash Gordon baddie singing in high-pitched tones of which Katherine Jenkins would be proud.  ‘Bizarre’ doesn’t quite seem to cover it.

By the time we reached Ireland’s offering, complete with greased-up, leather-clad drummers, nobody in their right mind could do anything but declare the whole thing to be a big, beautiful gay-fest.  With commentary provided, for us Brits at least, by the fantastically sharp-witted Graham Norton.  Glorious.

Courting controversy

But of course by far the gayest, and indeed most controversial entry, were Finland, with the most upbeat slice of camp Europop ever created, “Marry Me”.  Clearly the audience were adoring it as they jumped about, patriotically waving flags and generally loving life.  Basically, a feel-good moment for all.  Or was it?  As it turns out, it most certainly was not.

Apparently Turkey, those Eurovision killjoys, decided against televising this year’s show on the basis that Finland’s gift to the world of poppy, sing-along joy finished with two women kissing.  They had already announced, in December 2012, that they would not be entering an act into the 2013 competition because they disagreed with rules that allow the UK, France, Germany, Spain and Italy to participate in the Grand Final without having to attend any qualification rounds.  So, at the risk of sounding even more mature, they then advertise their blatant, disgraceful homophobia to the world.  Way to go, Turkey; way to go.

Of course, as much as hundreds of die-hard fans love the spectacle of it all, Eurovision isn’t really about the music; really, it’s all political.  I mean, let’s face it, if it were judged as a music contest, the show would have ended ages ago.

Hope for the future

With LGBT rights so high on the political agenda of many countries, it’s no surprise that this was reflected in this year’s Eurovision.  It is of course sad that one of the big news items was one country’s refusal to televise the show because of a lesbian kiss.  But then, in some ways, even that can be turned into a positive.  The vitriol and rage with which that particular decision was met on Twitter, for example, far outweighed the number of people who felt that they could see Turkey’s point.  At work, I even ended up having a discussion about the unfortunate situation with some of my students and all of them, without any prompting from me, were outraged.  Their sheer anger that a country could behave like that “in this day and age” warmed my heart.

And it’s this kind of shared feeling that makes changes.  A whole group of people who all desire to make a change to the way the world works is a powerful tool.  Of course, there is a lot of suffering in the world.  Nearly every other day I sign a petition, usually prompted by communications from organisations like AllOut or Stonewall, in an attempt to try to change situations in countries where citizens are put to death because they are gay, and horrific incidents like that aren’t going to stop overnight.

But, even during supposedly light-hearted events like Eurovision, there are glimmers of hope.  Good on Sweden, this year’s host nation, for example, for being so proud of their country’s policies on gender equality and gay marriage that they included them in a song designed to ‘sell’ their nation to the rest of the continent; you, my Scandinavian friends, are heroes of Europe.

Moments like this, combined with the uproar created whenever a country like Turkey behaves in such a bigoted manner, give us all hope for a better future for the LGBT community the world over.

I’d like to leave you with the words of Graham Norton, as he rounded-up his introduction to Finland’s Eurovision entry: “At the end of this song there are 2 girls kissing.  And if 2 girls kissing offends you, then you need to grow up.”

Jane is 34 years old and lives in a London Borough called Leafbury with her 30-year-old partner Eric.

She has four children from a previous relationship, aged 14, 12, 10 and 8, but they do not live with Jane and Eric. Jane openly admits she is “not the mothering type” and does not have a close relationship with her children, especially as they do not get along with Eric who is a heavy drinker and often in trouble with the police.

Jane’s ex-partner and his new wife have custody of all four children, an arrangement everybody is happy with.

Jane and Eric have a rocky relationship and often row. Jane works night shifts and needs to sleep during the day but Eric does not work and often has his friends over for daytime drinking sessions which disturbs Jane’s sleep, which in turn affects her performance at work. She gets irritated with Eric for spending so much money on alcohol.

Eric believes the fact he gave up smoking with Jane two years ago should be enough to please her and he should not be expected to cut down on his drinking as well.

Jane is estranged from her family and does not have any close friends, so she is completely reliant on Eric for emotional support, but his drinking and inconsiderate behaviour means she constantly feels let down by him. The pair decided having a child together would mend their unhappy relationship, but after two years of trying Jane has not fallen pregnant. This has added more strain to their relationship.

Jessica is also 34 and lives in a nearby Borough of London called Petalbury with her civil partner Rebecca who is 45.

The couple have been together for ten years and in a civil partnership for the last seven. Jessica works as a primary school teacher and Rebecca works from home as a children’s book illustrator.

For the past five years, Jessica and Rebecca have successfully fostered a number of children, something which has brought them great joy and satisfaction. The troubled children who entered their home have all left much happier with higher self-esteem due to the loving, stable and caring environment Jessica and Rebecca were able to provide for them.

Jessica is from a close family and has a particularly strong bond with her twin brother Joshua who lives just around the corner with his wife and two daughters. Jessica and Rebecca often spend time with Joshua and his family and have a great relationship with their two nieces, who simply adore their lesbian aunties.

Jessica and Rebecca would love to have a family of their own one day, but their modest income means private fertility treatment is not an option for them.

One day, Jessica and Rebecca read an article in Lesbilicious magazine. They discovered new guidelines were in place for NHS trusts which stated same-sex couples should not be discriminated against when it comes to fertility treatment and funding for same-sex couples should receive the same priority as straight couples. Feeling heartened they made an appointment with their local doctor to see what options were available to them.

After a blood test showed Jessica was ovulating as normal, their doctor agreed to refer Jessica for Intrauterine insemination (IUI). This is a fairly simple procedure where Jessica would be artificially inseminated with donor sperm and costs between £500 and £1000 per cycle of treatment.

That same day Jane received some news. Tests from her local doctor confirmed there was no problem with her fertility and the reason she had not fallen pregnant was due to Eric’s low sperm count. Jane’s doctor also agreed to refer Jane for fertility treatment but she was not referred for IUI. New guidelines  state  if a straight couple have been unsuccessfully trying to conceive for two years they should be referred for three cycles of in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) which costs, on average, £5,000 per cycle of treatment.

One month later

Jessica received a letter from Petalbury’s NHS Trust stating the Trust was unwilling to fund Jessica’s IUI treatment. On the same day Jane received a letter from Leafbury’s NHS Trust referring her and Eric to a fertility clinic for in-vitro fertilisation (IVF).

Why did Jane’s case receive funding while Jessica’s did not?

Funding for fertility treatment is a grey area with policies varying from trust to trust. Each case is assessed on an individual basis and the criteria can be very different. Some trusts only offer treatment to women under 35 while others offer it up to the age of 42. As Jane and Jessica are both 34 they are equally eligible for treatment although the fact Jessica’s partner is 45 may have been taken into consideration.

Factors taken into account when referring straight couples for fertility treatment include the man’s age, whether or not the couple already have children together and one or both of the couple giving up smoking. In Jane’s case, the fact Eric is 30, they do not have children together and they both gave up smoking two years ago worked in their favour.

Legally NHS trusts must not discriminate against same-sex couples wanting fertility treatment, but discrimination is hard to prove. Even if Jane and Jessica lived in the same borough, the NHS trust could claim they had been referred for different treatments and their cases were different.

Public opinion

Public opinion on fertility treatment for same-sex couples is divided. Many people are for it but the right-wing view is that same-sex couples should never be offered treatment on the NHS as they would not be able to conceive naturally. Jessica and Rebecca are yet another example of the sense of “entitlement” gay couples feel towards receiving equal rights.

Surely if this is the case, Jane and Eric should also not have been offered treatment. After all they were unable to conceive naturally?

Another right-wing view is that fertility treatment should be based on the parents’ National Insurance contributions and only those people who have contributed a sufficient amount to the tax “pot” should be eligible. Jessica and Rebecca do not earn a great deal but they have paid their taxes all their adult lives. Jane earns more than Jessica and has also paid her taxes but as Eric is unemployed he has not contributed to the public purse. Which couple is more “deserving” in this case?

What happened next for Jane and Jessica?

Jane and Jessica are fictional characters but their story is based on real-life scenarios and it is up to the voting public to decide their fate. It was a Labour Government that passed the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act in 2008 which put same-sex parenting and heterosexual parenting on equal footing in the eyes of the law. The persistent homophobia displayed by some members of the Conservative party, highlighted by the Tory opposition to the gay marriage bill, does not inspire hope for couples such as Jessica and Rebecca being offered fertility treatment on the NHS and funding is being reduced under the existing Government.

In a happy ending, Jane decided against having a child with Eric and focussed on re-building her relationship with her existing children. Jessica appealed to Petalbury’s NHS trust and its decision was overturned, meaning Jessica and Rebecca were able to start their own family. 

Sadly, a more realistic outcome is that Jane had a child with Eric after three expensive cycles of NHS-funded IVF treatment but this did not mend their relationship. The child ended up being taken into local authority care and fostered by Jessica and Rebecca, the cost of which ran into hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Angelina Jolie made headlines this week with news that chose to have a double mastectomy to avoid an 87% chance of developing breast cancer. Not only that, she then went public with her very personal decision, and in doing so raised the profile of a fairly unknown danger, and gave emotional support to every other woman who’s had a similar procedure. She is one cool lady. And not just because of that. Here are 11 reasons – some noble, some less so – why Angelina Jolie is the coolest person on the planet.

1. She is a United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees Goodwill Ambassador. (Let’s start with the big stuff.) She’s visited refugees in 30 countries, she lobbies for humanitarian causes to the US Government, and she’s set up several humanitarian charities. It is over the top to say she’s as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside? No. Cheesy? Yes. Who cares. Swooooon.

2. Angelina Jolie is the quintessential straight girl’s crush. She’s the gay girl’s crush too, (obviously – that’s not news) but she has a magical hold over all straight women. Straight women can see that someone like Beyonce is pretty, and Megan Fox is sexy, but Angelina is… something else. Angelina can make even the most settled straight girl question the previously unquestionable. Which, if you’ve ever fallen for a straight girl, is encouraging.

3. She’s bisexual. Famously, unashamedly, properly bisexual. None of that ‘I just kissed a girl and liked it’ business – she had a well documented relationship with model / actor Jenny Shimizu in 1996. “I probably would have married Jenny Shimizu if I hadn’t married my husband [Jonny Lee Miller],” said Angelina at the time. “I fell in love with her the first second I saw her.”

4. She’s with Brad Pitt, one of the coolest guys on the planet. Obviously all of us secretly think she’d be happier with us (see point 2), but failing that, she may as well be one half of the world’s most beautiful couple.

5. Angelina is a politically aware film director as well as an actor. In 2011 she directed In the Land of Blood and Honey, a film set in the Bosnian war. She uses her power as one of the world’s most famous actors to draw attention to what she called “”the worst genocide since World War II in Europe”.

6. She made computer science cool in Hackers, thereby encouraging a generation of girls to become programmers. Maybe.

7. She made guns cool, thereby encouraging a generation of girls to become assassins, cycloptic Sky Captains of the future and wealthy archaeologist/thieves. Hmm. Ok. Perhaps her film choices haven’t been particularly inspirational.

8. Angelina and Brad support gay marriage – they donated £100,000 in 2008 to support the campaign for gay marriage in California. (Just forget the bit where they also declared that they wouldn’t marry until gay people had the right to marry, but then they changed their minds and did it anyway. Bad Brangelina.)

9. She’s officially the world’s most beautiful woman. Take a moment, if you would, to spare a thought for beautiful women everywhere; women who are ignored, discriminated against, and face hardships on a daily basis because they are simply too beautiful. It’s just so sad. And poor Angelina has had to deal with that burden all her life.

10. Angelina helped launch the Malala Fund in early April 2013. The fund supports girls’ education in Pakistan, and is named after Malala Yousafzai, the schoolgirl who survived getting shot in the head by the Taliban. Angelina also pledged £200,000 for the fund. This itself is pretty amazing, and then you look again at the dates – Angelina said she finished the three months of medical procedures on April 27, so she was still recovering from surgery when she spoke at the Women in the World conference. Most people would want to quietly recover at home; Angelina does more humanitarian work.

11. She proved that bad tattoo choices don’t have to define you forever. With her tattoo of ex-husband Billy Bob (husband and tattoo now both removed), Angelina shows us that she makes mistakes too – she’s only human, like the rest of us. Except she’s far more attractive, socially conscious, rich, lucky and powerful. But other than that, she’s just like everyone else.

On May 17^th, people all across the world will be joining virtual hands as we celebrate the International Day Against Homophobia.

For those of us here in the States, this is not a widely known event, though I can only hope it will become more widespread as time passes. It is officially recognized in places such as the EU Parliament, Spain, Belgium, the UK, Mexico, Costa Rica, Croatia, the Netherlands, France, and Luxembourg as a day to educate the public, our friends and family, and address issues on a political level as well as a personal level.

IDAHO (because of course there’s an acronym) was conceived in 2004 and came into fruition after a yearlong campaign on May 17^th, 2005. But really it all began on May 17^th, 1990, when the World Health Organization officially removed homosexuality from the International Classification of Diseases. (Hear that people? The WHO doesn’t classify being gay as a disease, nor has it for over 20 years, so it’s time you stop, too.) Years later, IDAHO was born in commemoration of this landmark event, and has been steadily spreading its message every May.

Years after its inception, the acronym was lengthened to IDAHOBIT to include Biphobia and Transphobia. (Yes, I recognize the importance of including Bi and Transphobia, but I can’t help but smirk a little when I read IDAHOBIT out loud.) The campaign continues to grow every year, especially as more people spread the word online, “fighting the homophobia web virus”.

What I like about this campaign is that it is clean and simple. Spread the word about homophobia to friends, co-workers, family members, and strangers you are “friends” with online. Donate money to help cover the costs of pamphlets and paper educational materials. Sign petitions (for those that live in nations where they officially recognize IDAHOBIT) to encourage the government to protect our civil rights. Write a blog. Fly a rainbow flag. Share a human rights’ video on your wall. And get the message across that homophobia is not only wrong, but it is hurtful.

Oh yeah, and wear some rainbow pride to work.

The main thing is you can support this campaign, this event, from the comfort of your own home. It is easy to join the fight against homophobia, and more importantly, it is imperative.

Candy bar seems to have a Marmite effect on lesbians. It is the only exclusively lesbian bar in London, so one would think that the entire lesbian contingent would be flocking there like it’s perpetually Dinah shore weekend. What do some lesbians object to? The following interchange between two of my friends sheds some light:

- “I believe ______ is going to Candy bar that night.”

- “Lol. Why?”

- “Because she loves chubby teenagers with bleach-dipped, asymmetric, flock-of-seagulls haircuts.”

It is true that the clientele are of a particular subsection of the lesbian community in London. One that doesn’t seem to be replicated in, for example, the lesbian basement of G-A-Y, the late First Out, and Ruby Tuesdays at Ku bar.

Credit is due, however, to Candy bar in their recent attempts to appeal to a wider range of lesbians. Chick habit live is an ‘indie/alternative’ night which features bands and DJ sets from notable acts. On Thursday night, I headed down there to see Hunter Valentine (of Real L Word fame/notoriety) supported by Battle of you and The cut outs.

Melody Patman from Battle of you. Photo: Laura Cunliffe (www.lercdesigns.com)

Battle of you were an absolute treat. An unpretentious five-piece band from Shoreditch with upbeat hooks that make every chorus as catchy as the last. Fantastic energy from lead singer (and aptly named) Melody Patman and keyboardist Nicola Hogg. Think Two door cinema club, but better. This is a band you must see live, but until I get the pleasure of this for a second time, I’ll be listening to their EP.

The cut outs. Photo: Laura Cunliffe (www.lercdesigns.com)

The cut outs were a very different breed; all dressed in black stripped back to a drum machine and two electric acoustic guitars. Perfect harmonies from the two ladies, however, the band seemed to lose the attention of the crowd after a couple of songs until the final brilliant version of The killers’ Mr Brightside. The cut outs’ ‘dirty-dance-rock’ did not lend itself as well to an acoustic set; they’re better when plugged in.

And then there was Hunter valentine (a.k.a. Kiyomi + 2/3 lesbians). As they walked onto the stage, screams of epic proportions were raised to the point that I could almost have been at a Take That concert. It was certainly a coup for Candy bar to book Hunter valentine: the first lot of tickets sold out in half an hour.

Was Kiyomi’s girlfriend, Lauren, there? Yes she was, standing by the stage looking adoringly at Kiyomi. I actually felt like I was in The real L word for a brief time. Interestingly, as the band were tuning up, the shouts from the crowd were for Lauren rather than the band.

It was billed as an acoustic set although the only sign of this was the drummer, Laura Petracca’s, substitution of a plastic shaky egg for the drums. Laura provided occasional backing vocals but mostly she was just enjoying the crowd, striking exaggerated tongue-in-cheek poses for the cameras. Aimee Bessada, the lead guitarist, did not feature in The real L word, but was an excellent addition to the band. She looked like she could have been an extra in Almost Famous with her shaggy hair, leather trousers, and pattern shirt.

Kiyomi McCloskey from Hunter Valentine. Photo: Laura Cunliffe (www.lercdesigns.com)

But let’s be honest, Kiyomi is the star of the show, with her trademark annunciation and swagger. Kicking off with “Staten Island dream tour“, uber-fans sang along (to the point where they drowned out the band). We heard favourites such as “This bull rides tonight” and, after much pleading from the crowd, “The great Canadian love song“.

During the set, two significant things happened:

1)    A girl who was not wearing a bra danced a little too enthusiastically and I found myself witnessing a public display of nudity. Interestingly, when the girl realised what had happened, she proceeded to admire the offending tit in the mirror right next to her.

2)    A fight nearly broke out between an incredibly short girl and a much taller girl. Clearly the short girl was confident in her ability to handle herself.

The set was good, if a little predictable. I wanted to hear or see something that a recording simply couldn’t convey. True, their stage presence was a strong point, but musically I wanted something more, something unexpected, like a re-interpretation of a cover or a brilliant show of musicianship.

The question is whether Hunter Valentine can stand alone as a band, not just a lesbian band which had the enormous advantage of being given a platform on The Real L Word. But then again, personalities can never be entirely separated from the music; presumably One Direction fans are not fans solely on the basis of their music. It remains to be seen whether Hunter Valentine will make the transition from ‘gaymous’ to ‘famous’.

Visit www.lercdesigns.com for more of Laura Cunliffe’s photos.

So you’ve asked a girl on a date, or maybe she’s asked you, either way follow this simple guide so you don’t make common errors so many people seem to make. 

Do:

1. Offer to pay if you suggest a location or activity. You might decide on the day to pay half each, but be prepared to pay if you invite her to the most expensive restaurant without checking if it is okay with her. There’s nothing worse than the bill arriving and the pair of you sat waiting for someone to pipe up and offer the cash. 
2. Take her somewhere where you can get to know her and/or have fun. The classic “the cinema is not a good place to go on a date”. How do you know you even like the same films? What if you go to hold her hand and she withdraws? Do you stay in the cinema, awkwardly sat next to someone who evidently doesn’t want to be there watching a film you probably don’t even like? Group activities are often to be avoided because the other person is never quite sure if it’s a date or not. So take her somewhere where you’ll both have an enjoyable time, that way, even if you don’t get on, you still had fun.
3. At least make some effort. If you work with the girl you are going on a date with, don’t turn up in your work clothes. Equally If she’s impressed you’re a farmer by trade, don’t turn up to your meal in your farmer gear. She’s going to want to know you have a life outside the farm as well, and I’m not sure the other people at the restaurant will appreciate the farm stench either.
4. Act interested. If you invited her out on a date then it’s your duty to listen to her list off the names of her twenty cats and even if you’re not, pretend you’re interested. Tips to make yourself look like you’re interested even if you’re not: ask her questions about what she just told you, smile, nod, mhmm, and ahh, and don’t fall asleep.
5. Be honest. If you tell her you’re an aeronautical engineer then make sure you actually are, because one day she might ask to see your spaceship (not a euphemism) and it won’t be good when you have to tell her you’re not actually an astronaut, but a supermarket cashier. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a supermarket cashier). Be yourself, be yourself, be yourself. If you are funny, be yourself. If you are not funny, then still be yourself. There’s nothing worse than someone trying too hard to crack a joke only to find they’re the only one laughing, or the date is laughing out of awkwardness or embarrassment.

Don’t:

1. Don’t mention the second date straight away or get ahead of yourself. Bringing up baby names, wedding locations, and your ten year future plan, with them featuring in it, are probably going to scare away your date. Although, you might find she’s as forward as you are and appreciates that prior to the date you embroidered towels with her name on and cleared half your wardrobe to make space for hers. More often than not they’re not going to take kindly to it, and you will scare them away.
2. Avoid things which bring back memories of an ex. “Oh you should probably sit here, because my ex always used to sit here and we found it just worked better like that,” …“You’re going for the steak? Really? I’m a vegetarian, but my ex loves meat and I’d definitely suggest you opt for the ribs, those were her favourite”… “You have such nice complexion; it’s really similar to my ex’s, that’s what made me fall for her you know!”… If you’re not yet over your ex, you probably shouldn’t be dating. If you’re dating to try and get over your ex, follow the golden rule: THOU SHALT NOT MENTION THINE EX.
3. Don’t drink too much. Going for a drink is always a great way to break the ice, but what you want is a little crack in the ice. You don’t want the ice to be crushed and in your vodka, but then it’s on your lap because you drunk too much vodka and spilled the ice, then you’re on the ground throwing up the ice and vodka because you had alcohol poisoning, and so your first date is actually spent in Accident & Emergency with your date watching you have your your stomach pumped. Great first impressions you have given her.
4. Don’t get too personal. On the first date, it’s all about getting to know the person and seeing if you match initially. Personal, deep and emotional topics should be left out, alongside, how much money you earn, politics and religion. If you break down on the first date, or start asking her intruding questions so she breaks down, I don’t think a second date will be on the cards.

I recently discovered a new Canadian online short film series called LESlieVILLE. It’s shot in Toronto and the subject matter centres on two women who find themselves attracted to one another but one of them is in a committed relationship. There are a total of 11 less-than-10-minute shorts in the series and the first short was released in February 2013 which was followed by weekly releases thereafter.

On the series website http://www.leslievilleseries.com/ the series is described as…
“…a story about connection, attraction and navigating between lust and true desire. It’s the story of two girls meeting, clicking, but one is already in a relationship. Still, the two carry on with their “friendship” firmly wrapped up in denial about what they’re really doing – falling in love.”

The series writer and director, Nadine Bell, wanted to explore the difficulties lesbians face when finding themselves attracted to a new ‘friend’ while at least one is unavailable to develop the friendship into something more.

Tiffany Martin plays Ona who has been in a relationship with Laura for about a year and a half. Samantha Wan plays Sera who is currently single but is best friends with her ex Gwen, played by Jenna Harder, a more rough-around-the-edges non-romantic realist who calls it as she sees it. The dynamic between Wan and Harder is quite believable in Episode 2 ‘Getting to Know You’ and Harder’s role is clearly to encourage Wan to step outside of her heteronormative ideals.

While the actors have a rather short medium in which to explore their angst at the situation the interaction between Martin and Wan feels forced and uncomfortable in a way that does not appear to be intentional. Even the relationship dynamic between Martin and her girlfriend Laura (played by Meghan Campbell) doesn’t feel authentic.

It’s refreshing to see a series that dives into what can be quite a common lesbian dilemma and may be helpful in offering other women who are facing a similar situation to see the dynamic from another perspective.

The first season so far has relied on a variety of volunteers who have spent their spare time editing the shorts for release. Bell is dedicating her time to ensuring these episodes are also provided with subtitles in a number of different languages in an effort to reach as many audience members as possible.

On a positive side note, the soundtrack to the short series features local Toronto-area queer and queer-friendly musicians such as Emma McKennna http://emmamckenna.bandcamp.com/, Bonjay http://bonjay.net/music-video/, Warm Myth, Carly Rhiannon http://www.carlyrhiannon.com/, Fake Date, Phèdre http://phedreamour.com/ and KidKulit http://kidkulit.com/.

While it may not be quite an award-winning project, there is enough tension between Ona and Sera (with a little help from Gwen) to make this series worth following and I’ll be keeping my eye out to see what Nadine Bell’s next project may be.

As a young gaybie, I couldn’t see much further than coming out. It seemed like the most insurmountable hill, the biggest obstacle, the most obsequious hurdle to jump, and that I would never, ever, ever have the guts to have that conversation with my nearest and dearest.

I would rehearse the scenario in my head until I was tired of my own voice, always trying to imagine their faces when I finally spat it out. Shock, horror, disbelief?

In the end, it was something of an anti-climax. My older brother was so nonchalant I wondered if he’d even heard me. My Mum had ‘always known’. My Dad still loved me. My best friends were only interested in who I fancied. The world kept turning and I moved onto some other all-consuming, monumental drama. Unrequited love after unrequited love.

I never considered what happens after you’ve taken those first steps into gay life, but quite soon I learned that coming out is just the start of a whole host of awkward, hilarious and heartbreaking situations that only lesbian and bisexual women could possibly understand.

Here is a totally scientific, not definitive or exhaustive, based entirely on stereotypes list of First World Gay Lady Problems. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. You have probably been mistaken for a 14-year-old boy more than once.

lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber is your life

 2. Everyday is a constant battle to avoid twinning with your girlfriend/wife/significant other.

Photograph: Autostraddle

3. People just love to shout really obvious things at you from moving cars, e.g ‘lesbian!’

 4. Checking into a hotel is full of potential pitfalls. Be prepared for a lot of awkward.

"Are you sure it was a...double bed you wanted?"

5. You might see your ex.

6. This.

7. You and your friends probably look like a 90s boy band when you go out.

And Harry Styles is your fashion inspiration.

8. It’s common to see an attractive man and feel torn between whether you want to be them or sleep with them (see: Ryan Gosling).

Then there's Zac Efron. And Justin Timberlake...

 9. You think talking to your cat is a legitimate way to pass the time.

10. Clothes. Whether it’s what to wear to the beach, or what to wear to your wedding, there are no easy answers.

Not to mention shopping…

11. This.

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‘What if it was You?’ by Perpetual Detour.

12. You better get used to explaining exactly what it is that lesbians do in bed, because it’s likely you’ll spend even more time doing that than talking to your cat.

13. And while we’re on the subject of you-know-what, taking your sex toys on holiday is a disaster waiting to happen.

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“What is that, some kind of weapon?”

14. In the end, it doesn’t matter how you get your hair cut or what you wear. One way or another, you will end up looking like Justin Bieber.