One of the greatest places to spend time in Vancouver if you’re Lesbian, Queer, Bi or simply interested is Commercial Drive on Vancouver’s east side. Originally touted as ‘Little Italy’, Commercial Drive was historically the landing spot for Italian immigrants who created Vancouver’s original coffee-shop culture in this section of the city. In the years that followed, Commercial Drive blossomed further into a haven for the eclectic mix of people, restaurants, boutiques, lounges, produce stalls and cultural gems at every corner.

Known locally as ‘The Drive’ it is the location where lesbians and lesbian allies take to the streets every summer for the Dyke March to stand up and be counted.  The March begins at McSpadden Park and traffic grinds to a halt as the Dykes on Bikes and burlesque artists lead the women cheering, singing, chanting, laughing, exposing and simply ‘being’ as they finish their march at Grandview Park where venues await the steaming masses.  Food and entertainment venues, merchandise vendors and even venues catering to the children of lesbians are all there to entertain and encourage a sense of community that lasts into the evening.  The Dyke March dance occurs at the WISE Hall later that night—a fantastic venue with an old wooden dance floor that bounces when enough women are dancing hard enough, a stage for the DJs or performers and a bar serving decently-priced drinks to the dance-happy.

Vancouver’s rapid transit system, SkyTrain and local buses makes accessing The Drive simple from whichever direction you are coming from. The Commercial Drive and Broadway SkyTrain stations both intersect at the corner of Commercial and Broadway, the best starting point for heading toward the mountains down The Drive.

Tony Correia of Xtra West, a Vancouver LGBT publication, gives much more information about The Drive in his article Strong Coffee and Sapphic Vibes

  Il Mercato located at Commercial & First

What’s the reference to Sapphic, you may ask, aside from the Dyke March? The Drive has been a kind of Lesbian village for the past couple of decades. The area is close to the centre of town without being IN it—an ideal location to raise a family—walking distance to produce stands, coffee shops, dollar stores, parks and playgrounds, schools and the all-important Canadian institution—Tim Horton’s. There are fair-trade boutiques, shops for the pot-smoking connoisseur, the magnificent Womyns Ware erotica boutique (owned and operated by womyn) as well as Italian stores with all the delicious ingredients to make the best homemade pasta you can imagine. There are salons, bars, and fantastic restaurants, some of which operate within the ‘100 kilometre’ rule—obtaining all of their ingredients grown or produced within 100km of the restaurant itself.

There is a neighbourhood feel and a sense of community that makes The Drive such a magnet for the more eclectic crowd. So if you like lounging in sidewalk coffee houses or cafes, people-watching and catching up with friends and schmoozing with the locals, The Drive is the best place to do so. The mix of people is magnificent here. Hippies and ‘granolas’ abound as well as Rastafarians, the style-conscious, Yuppies, immigrants, lesbians, buskers, young people, seniors, and of course Italians, to name just a few. But don’t forget the best fun of all happens during the Pride celebrations in Vancouver—this year the Dyke March takes place on Saturday, 3rd August 2013 at Noon. See you there!

Dyke March photo courtesy of @jonnysopotiuk

I’ve never liked heavy metal, can’t stand the ‘screaming’, the nature of the lyrics and the plethora of sub genres that attach themselves to a dark, tortured part of music.  Attila are ‘deathcore’ apparently, and they have recently released one of the most disturbing music videos I’ve had the misfortune of watching in quite a while.  ‘Break Shit’ comes with a warning, stating “Portions of this video may contain graphic imagery which may offend and/or trigger sensitive viewers and is not recommended for viewing by persons under the age of 18. Viewer discretion is advised.”

What Attila have done is fashioned a semi-pornographic video, with women lap dancing on a man, with the view point of the camera focused from the sight of the sitting man, and flashing lyrics sprawled across the screen (because otherwise we wouldn’t know what they’re saying).  Not only is this vulgar and grim, but completely disrespects women by showcasing that this sort of behaviour is acceptable.

It gets worse.

I do, however, understand that they have the right to create what they want and these women can do what the heck they like, but for anyone with any ounce of respect for fellow women and has a drip of integrity flowing through them, they know that this sort of depiction is plain wrong.  What makes the whole piece even more worrying is the disgusting lyrics that flash on the screen.  Messages of “fuck the law, break shit, let your inner demons out” being advertised in such a way is plain and simply vile.  It encourages bad behaviour, a treacherous view on life and a complete disregard to a moral lifestyle.

This is probably the most sickening part of the whole video…

A message that Attila is conveying through their ‘Break Shit’ video is “punch that bitch”, which pops up on the screen more than once.  Yes, they are promoting domestic violence.  I felt physical sick when I saw that appear on the screen, my mouth hung open and the first thing that came into mind was “how on earth did this every get approved”.  Not only have they got the support of their record label, press team, and a whole host of other people working as part of their team, but VEVO have also given them a platform by streaming the video, even though YouTube have banned it due to violating their policy on nudity and sexual content.

According to Home Office figures, 1.2 million women experienced domestic abuse last year in the UK, including half a million victims of sexual assault, the Guardian stated in an article titled Domestic violence figures are disturbingly high, says charity, which was published in March, 2013.  It goes on to state: “Citizens Advice says it received reports of attacks from 13,500 people – 80% of them women – in 2012”.   With domestic violence a huge problem for hundreds of thousands of women all over the world, Attila have proven how insensitive, disrespectful and utterly shambolic they are with regards to this.

Just because Attila are a heavy metal band, doesn’t mean the music industry doesn’t have the right to address these sorts of messages and videos.  If it was in the mainstream, the papers would be riddled with scandalous headlines pointing out how shambolic that song is, but yet this is swept under the carpet.

I hope someone takes some responsibility for this and corrects it quick, before it influences some weaker minds that may believe that this sort of thing is acceptable.

A lasting question for you to consider – what if it was your daughter? Your mum?  A member of your family you love and cherish, who is punched because this song says it’s OK?

If you want to view the video, click here, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

Jesper Lundqvist, yoga instructor, writer and parent, hit Swedish headlines last year with his book Kivi and Monsterhund. Sophie Cairns catches up with him on the continued reactions his books are receiving.

Interviewing Lunqvist is like interviewing an eager young boy. His eyes are wide, his brow furrowed, his demeanor exciting. With his iPhone in hand, Skype-camera activated, he sweeps through his home. “Lets take you on a tour! This is where I live. It’s out in the Swedish countryside. It is a house, it his a home and a Retreat Centre – set up by my wife and I. I live here, I work here and I write here.”

With this, Lundqvist jumps up and heads to the garden, his smiling face framed by a sky of blue and sunshine. He points to his office, a white pavilion, where he crafts his quirky, controversial stories, hovering there shortly before perching down beside a gushing water fountain in the yoga studio.

"For me, the great liberation in my writing is not having to care about what my perceptions of who little girls or little boys are... " Photography: Per Qvarnström/Sveriges Radio

“I saw myself with the image of a professional writer around the time I started to do yoga seriously, which was around 10 or 11 years ago. Before that I worked with experimental movies, working on film sets and experimental radio shows and stuff like that.”

It was at this advent that Lundqvist started attending a two-year writing course at University, and began writing for dramatic theatre and Swedish National Radio. He describes himself as the station’s ‘go-to writer’ for children’s’ story characters, for their show the ‘Radio Monkey’.

“My first book wasn’t for children, it was more an all-ages book. It was written in a naïve language, with verse and rhyme so looks like a child’s book, but it’s really not,” he says, hinting at its adult nature.

Writing for children, he says, comes with a lot of baggage. Characters have to be established as either a boy or a girl, their age has to be defined and personality created, without falling into any stereotypes, he explains, citing Pippi Longstocking for reference.

“For me, the great liberation in my writing is not having to care about what my perceptions of who little girls or little boys are, or what I might transfer to someone. For me, this is a little kid, first and foremost. I can generalize from there what they will be like.”

Lundqvist talks of this lack of gender as a liberation tool in his writing, “I don’t have to care about information I don’t care about in this story.”

Kivi and Monsterhund, Lundqvist's first and most controversial children's book.

This new tool of his became the key to his success. Published in March of 2012, Kivi and Monsterhund, Sweden’s first book to use the gender-neutral pronoun ‘hen’ created a media storm.

Flashback Media Group branded Lundqvist a “baboon” and Jan Guillou, one of Sweden’s most well known authors, referred to proponents of hen as “feminist activists who want to destroy our language.” DN, Sweden’s largest newspaper, even went so far as to ban the use of the word ‘hen’ in it’s articles following the book’s criticism.

Lundqvist describes this backlash as if he had blown up a playschool. “Language has always been sensitive to play with and anything that can be connected with gender can also be a little sensitive. And then take those things, and put that in children’s culture… it’s like mixing this and making dynamite. And I’m not only making dynamite, but I’m putting it under a kindergarten.”

Kivi’s family members are also gender, age and race neutral, leaving it all up to the children to decide for themselves.

Kivi and Monsterhund created so much debate that Umeå University students conducted research into the child’s responses. “I don’t get a lot of reactions from the use of the word hen from kids up to 5 or 6 years old. It seems like it just flows in them, which is the way it’s presented in the sentences. Its obvious hen’s a pronoun; it’s obvious it’s not he or she. In Swedish it’s hon, han and hen. It goes in with all the language and is very very natural,” he says.

The children focus more on the story, following Lundvist’s vision, “[Hen] shouldn’t be a problem, it shouldn’t be a thing. It’s about a kid who wants a dog for its birthday, and gets a monsterdog. ‘Aint that enough?”

After ‘hen’ there are deeper issues. The storyline is about accepting everything that is. “I didn’t want the dog to change, I wanted the dog to be completely awful. Kivi was quite happy when the dog ran away and there’s a lot of commotion and riots. Kivi then doesn’t want a dog, and when hen wakes up on hen’s birthday, hen wants a gorilla instead. We never give up…”

Keeping the storyline simple and apolitical was important to Lundqvist, “My ambition is that in ten years maybe there will be more books that use hen and if it didn’t say on the cover ‘this is the first’ people wouldn’t notice, they’d just see, hopefully, a good book that they liked.”

With this in mind, Lundqvist set about writing another book involving identity, Kivi and the Sobbing Giraffe. He says, “The story starts where the last story ended. Kivi is locked in the bathroom and doesn’t want to come out. Kivi’s a very strong-headed kid and doesn’t let hen’s family into the bathroom… and they really need to go. Kivi says hen won’t come out until hen gets a gorilla, so the family goes to the zoo to find one. There are no gorillas there, but they find this crying, sobbing, giraffe instead. Well, more a mix of animals, but a giraffe sounded nice.”

Kivi and the Sobbing Giraffe, the sequel to Kivi and Monsterhund.

The characters in the book think the animal is ugly and useless, much like the Swedish people’s view of ‘hen’. Kivi finds love and use for the lonely animal.

Released in September, the intention was to show the effect of bullying on transgender people. “I realized by writing about a monster dog who stirred up a lot of commotion and just ran amok, that this is what the debate became like. It was a lot of emotion and people got upset, kind of like this monsterdog running around, just creating chaos.”

Lundqvist’s latest book in the pipeline hits even closer to home, taking a completely different tact. His voice sounds heavier when he talks about it. “My father died of pancreatic cancer last year. He was diagnosed and dead within a five week period. It was a very strong thing for me and I involved my kids directly with what was going on and we talked a lot about death.”

With two young daughters, Lundqvist was never into sugar coating, and so was inspired by the death to write the book Everybody Dies. “There are a lot of children’s books about a grandparent being sick, or a parent who dies. For [my kids] it was more that it was my dad that was dying and then they go, ‘oh, is our dad going to die, are you going to die dad?’”

Remembering his proposal to the publishers, he starts laughing again, “I talked to Maria about it, and she said ‘What do you want to write?’ and I said, well, I want to write a book in rhyme that tells them that they’re all going to die. He chuckles. “‘Oh, it sounds great!’.”

When asked about the future, Lundqvist gives a broad grin, “Stuff seems to be happening and life seems to be unfolding in a lot of different ways. And it’s interesting and challenging and fun…”

Lundqvist's yoga studio in Varberg, Sweden. Photography: Linda Ringi/Sveriges Radio.

“When it comes to writing I have a few projects I’m working on, but it’s so much with everything else, with family, and the Retreat Centre, and the Yoga Centre, the Swedish National Radio who calls me and tells me ‘We want you to do this…’ So I think the challenge for me is finding the time to write books, which is something I want to do, amongst other things. But it needs to be interesting, for me to do it,” he explains.

As Lundqvist’s daughters arrive home from school, the interview draws to a close. The Skype call is ended and promises of a ‘yoga-ing’ are made. Perhaps next time.

Bi-Curious Me is a Channel 4 documentary which aired last night (Thursday 20 June 2013). It claimed to ‘explore the stories of three women as they come to terms with changes in their sexuality, and question whether our new-found sexual freedoms make intimate relationships any easier.’ We watched it, so you don’t have to.

Bi-Curious Me opens with burlesque dancers stripping, writes Sarah Evans. One minute in, we hear the interviewer ask “is sex better with a woman or a man?”. That’s when I started yelling at the TV.

My girlfriend and I sat back and discussed how yet another programme which had the opportunity to share positive stories of bisexuality, challenge biphobia and create an interesting and challenging documentary had cascaded in the first minute, with a horrendous ‘bisexual bingo’ of stereotypes.

Bi-Curious Me follows three women who are ‘exploring their sexuality’ by kissing each other, chatting people up in the street (because their ‘free sexuality’ liberates them to do so, apparently) and going to strip clubs because “it’s not just for men”. I felt saddened that, yet again, a programme had failed to depict a bisexual person in a healthy, monogamous relationship, and instead just gone for titillation.

One of the documentary stars, Hayley Quinn, was asked if she thought she could be monogamous now, after she’d invited her ex-boyfriend on holiday with her and her girlfriend in an attempt to try and get back with him. It felt like yet another dig at bisexual people; that we can only be straight, gay, or polyamorous.

Don’t get me wrong, some bisexual people are curious or polyamorous, but not all of us. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and I am constantly identified as gay, with people telling me “Well, if you’re only with her and you don’t want anyone else, then that makes you gay. You can’t have it all”. This programme had the chance to dispel this myth, explore identity and social perceptions, but it didn’t.

I feel like I am always being told by society that the only way I can identify as bisexual is to be single, poly or make sure that every time I sleep with a woman, I have to sleep with a man next, to keep the balance. This programme just fuelled that ridiculous stereotype.

And where were all the bisexual men? I remember once dating a bisexual man. People were so brutal and openly discriminative towards him because “It’s ok for you, you’re a girl, but it’s different with him. Aren’t you freaked out that he’s been with a man?”

Why didn’t Channel 4 use this opportunity to explore society’s perception of bisexual men and women, and why weren’t they more clear about the difference between bicurious and bisexual? There’s a big difference. Channel 4 obviously didn’t care about small things like that, they were too busy ensuring that the sleazy music ran consistently as an undercurrent to the show.

The most interesting part of the documentary lay with ‘Sophie’, who told us she felt like she would never be ‘out and proud’ as bisexual. That feeling is true for a lot of people; some due to their own concerns, others because of the biphobia that still remains in both the heterosexual and LGBT community.

My advice, if you haven’t seen Bi-Curious Me, is don’t bother.

At least one good thing has come out of this: I’ve realised that if you want something doing well, do it yourself. So, I have started to put a team together to create something positive, honest and challenging about the bisexual community. If you would like to be involved, get in touch: @artwith_heart or www.facebook.com/weareartwithheart

Sarah Evans is the founder of ‘Art with Heart’. Her work often explores gender, sexuality, comedy and women’s history, and she works a lot with community and youth groups. Her recent work includes exhibition www.100deeds.co.uk and stage play ‘The Secret Diaries of a Teenage Queer’.

Last week, the the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, one of London’s most famous gay bars, kicked a woman out of a club night simply because she was a lesbian. This is explicit lesbophobia in the gay community, and proof that London’s LGBT community is deeply misogynistic.

…or so some people might have you believe.

You may have seen a video that’s been doing the rounds on Facebook, of a woman called Cathy Brennan arguing with a bouncer about why she was ejected from Bar Wotever on 11 June 2013. The video shows her repeatedly insisting that her sexuality must be the reason why she was kicked out, and since then she’s tried to persuade anyone who will listen that the Royal Vauxhall Tavern is a sexist establishment which discriminates against lesbians.

The issue here is that Tuesday was no ordinary gay night, and Brennan is no ordinary lesbian. The night in question was Bar Wotever, arguably the UK’s most famously trans-friendly queer night.

And Brennan is a radical lesbian feminist who believes that trans women are really just men in disguise. She trolls trans people on Twitter telling them who they are and who they are not, and she trawls dating sites, taking screenshots of openly trans women so that she can humiliate them on her own website, ‘Pretendbians‘.

Earlier that day, Bar Wotever were alerted to the fact that Brennan was planning to go, and they made the decision to bar her from entering.

“The Royal Vauxhall Tavern management and the Wotever team agreed that because of her history of harassment of members of the Wotever audience, Brennan would not be permitted entry,” explains Dr J, one of the Wotever Crew. “However, she arrived in a group and we missed her coming in. As soon as we were alerted to her presence, the Royal Vauxhall Tavern security asked her to come outside and talk, and she was denied re-entry to the premises.”

The situation has infuriated Brennan. “I went to see the gay cabaret and have a drink with my friends,” she says. “The idea that a dyke and her lady friend can’t go to a gay cabaret, is, to me, so offensive.

“It’s a public establishment, when we went in there were tourists sitting in the front. I have no reason to believe that they were interrogated about their views on gender before they were invited to have a drink and enjoy the cabaret.

“This stems from the fact that you now have a gay movement that has people who formerly identified as heterosexual males and are now lesbian trans women. That has an impact. We have a different background. I can tell you that I would never treat anyone the way that they have treated me.

“If people are being honest, they would say ‘yeah she wasn’t doing anything, she was just sitting there’. And it’s a damn shame what they did, and they should be embarrassed.”

Natacha Kennedy was in the bar at the time, and while she agrees that Brennan didn’t start any arguments in the bar, she spent the evening on tenterhooks, worried that a dangerous situation might arise.

“Somebody had warned me that she was coming,” says Kennedy. “I was thinking, ‘do I really want to go when Cathy Brennan’s going to be there?’

“In my opinion, the only reason she would be going there would be to stir things up and cause trouble, and I didn’t really want to spend the evening being wound up and goaded.

“But then I thought, no. I go very regularly to Bar Wotever, I really like the place. So I said no, I’m not going to be bullied out of a space that is friendly to me and accepting of me.”

Natacha Kennedy felt strong enough to attend an event where she knew she’d be in a confined space with someone who very publicly demeans and belittles trans women, but there were other people who made the decision that Wotever just couldn’t be a safe and welcoming space if Brennan attended.

“I can think of one person who decided not to go that night,” says Kennedy. “I was talking to her a few hours before and she said ‘look I’m just starting to feel stressed already. If I do this, it’s just going to be too much for me.’ And I can understand.”

Brennan is angry that she was excluded from a gay bar; most of the Wotever patrons were relieved that she was excluded from a trans-friendly club with a proud ethos of anti-discrimination. Logically, of course, a bar which is intolerant of intolerance is itself intolerant, but the Wotever crew aren’t losing sleep over that.

“The decision to ask her to leave was based solely on her history of harassment of members of our audience,” says Dr J. “We would do the same for anyone who has a history of harassment of Wotever audience members.”

Brennan claims to be seeking legal advice on how to proceed, which doesn’t faze Dr J. “The decision to ask her to leave was also part of the licensee responsibility to maintain the peace,” she says. “As a promoter, maintaining the peace is my responsibility, in conjunction with the management of the venue.”

Whether she chooses to accept it or not, Brennan is aggressively anti-trans and she makes trans people – and cis people who support trans people – feel unsafe. She’s well known as someone who intimidates and bullies people online, and it’s hardly surprising that when faced with the prospect of the same – or worse – kind of confrontation in a real life encounter, sensible people took the sensible precaution of asking her to leave a trans-friendly bar.

Brennan doesn’t seem to care that her presence at Wotever made some people feel unsafe. What really seems to infuriate her is the idea that in this instance she was denied access to a gay space, while other people – trans people – had full access to it. This time, unlike the countless other times when she has cruelly taunted trans people online, she was the one who was powerless.

“I was talking to a few people afterwards who were quite relieved that she was gone,” says Kennedy. “And it was really really good that the transwoman poet AJ McKenna came on and did a wonderful poem about our identity and who we are. I had spent a week with people like Brennan on Twitter, telling me who I was and who I wasn’t. So to hear AJ McKenna… that was a real breath of fresh air.

“I think Wotever were amazing. They all pulled together and were fantastic. They really do work hard to make sure it’s inclusive.”

Comments on this article are welcome. However, please be reminded that our comments policy states that comments which contain personal attacks or transphobia will be considered offensive, and they will be removed.

UPDATE:

As you may have heard, the U.S. Supreme Court has struck down two discriminatory laws against same-sex couples: Proposition eight, which banned marriage between couples of the same sex in California, and the Defense of Marriage Act, which denied federal benefits like tax rebates or immigration rights to gay couples married in any one of the states where marriage is legal to all couples of consenting adults.

For Milena and me this means that she will be able to come to the US to live with me. We will marry, and she will be able to apply for legal residency and work permits. She will work and pay taxes like everyone else. And she will live free of the fear of deportation, and of separation between us.

It is a good day for love, indeed!

My small world is in for a surprise. My neighbors, co-workers, family and friends are about to learn that I am not a married woman with a husband and two children. Instead they will behold a divorced lesbian with two children.

I saw that change coming from the moment in 2001 when I acknowledged the same sex attraction I had felt on and off since adolescence, depending on how strong my fears and my impulse to self-repress were at a given moment.

Since then I’ve worked on understanding who I am. I also tried, against all odds, to salvage my marriage. But last year I came to terms with the fact that there was no marriage to salvage. As I left behind a period of deep confusion I began dropping the heterosexual identity that fit me so poorly, and manifest the one that is really me. It was like learning to breathe. Twelve years—shedding the layers of self-denial I smothered myself in took that long. I went through all while holding down a high-stress job, nurturing my kids and watching them grow.

The conclusion to this process is not surprising: sooner or later I had to find a way to live my identity without hurting my loved ones.  I am in that process and, with the help of wise therapists, I’m confident my kids, my ex and I will come through in one piece.

Enter the love of my life

The part I could not foresee twelve years ago as my body and my heart started insisting I was gay was when, how and with whom I would fall in love next. Yes, it would be a woman, but the person and the circumstances were unknown. Not anymore. I am in love with a beautiful, kind, witty, talented artist and carpenter who lives in Northern Europe. And all we want is to be together.

I met her through the Internet—oh the wonders it does for closeted people whose small town neighbors perceive them as part of a loving, successful heterosexual couple.

I had been on sabbatical, living in Southern Europe for some time when I met Milena.  She read one of my essays where I laid bare the story of my life with all its passion and equivocation, its surprises, its solitude and hope. You can read it in the current issue of Sol Literary Magazine.

Several people had responded sympathetically to my story. But no one had understood it as profoundly as Milena did. We became pen pals. Very soon our communications became sincere, deep, and very frequent—several times a day. We fell in love. We visit each other every other month—thank goddess for Ryan Air.

Meanwhile my ex and I have worked hard to stay respectful and understanding of each other. We notified the children of the impending separation, and I have given them hints of my sexuality. It has been a hard period, but I am managing. Soon we will be back in the US. I will find a house and restart my life.

The rare art of binational nest building

Milena and I are planning on marrying.

One of the first things I told her—I have children; I can’t live far from them. So she offered to leave her beautiful town crisscrossed by canals and dotted by all manner of sailing vessels. She is willing to leave her family and friends, her close-knit community, the ancient culture she is so rightly proud of. She will pack her tools into a container for the Atlantic crossing, just to be with me. She is willing to take her cats, risk her livelihood and start her business anew in a land where no one knows her. I am grateful for the sacrifices she is willing to face so we can be together. And naturally, I want for her all the protection she can have.

Fortunately I live in one of the few U.S. states where gay people can legally marry. Milena and I will as soon as we can. What we do not know is whether the Federal government will recognize our marriage. Whether Milena can apply for legal residency like all foreign spouses of American citizens or legal residents—except for those of the same sex. We are waiting impatiently to hear from the Supreme Court’s decision on the ill-named Defense of Marriage Act. Sometime this month the court will decide our future.

Mister Kennedy, tear down this closet!

Will I, on my return to the US this summer, be myself for the first time in my life? Or will Milena and I be thrown into another closet—a very different one, but just as stifling?

All of it depends on nine justices. Experts say it really hinges on one man: Anthony Kennedy.

If the Supreme Court repeals DOMA Milena will be plain and ordinary. After our wedding she will start the lengthy process of applying for a work permit and legal residency (the famous green card. Mine was actually pink). She will get her driver’s license and set up her workshop. She will work and pay taxes like everyone else. Eventually she will be eligible to apply for citizenship. A process I started twenty, and completed ten years ago.

But if the Court upholds DOMA Milena will not be allowed to work legally.  Like thousands others in her position, she might have to return to her country every three months to renew her tourist visa, risk being discovered as a non-tourist, and deported. Will she get a driver’s license? Does she have a hope of setting up her business legally? Will she be able to travel in and out of the country?

Or will she be a second-class citizen—rather, a non-citizen, because our marriage is valid in my state, but not in Washington?

How long will we manage to live like this?

As I walk out of the closet and shed the sexual identity my society erroneously assigned me—will my lovely Milena be thrown into another one?

It all hinges on nine justices. Or one—Anthony Kennedy.

I have been suffering with chronic homosexuality for a few years now and recently, I have thought, “Enough is enough, I’m going on Embarrassing bodies to see if they will refer me to a specialist.” When I went out, people would point and laugh at me because of my condition. I just wanted my life back.

The prospect of exposing my homosexuality to the nation and having a lubricated finger poked into it was a small price to pay for the promise of a confirmed diagnosis and treatment. Perhaps they will use laser treatment? Or a steroid cream to rub into my eyebrow piercing? Or surgery where my checked shirt and Converse will be removed and I will have a dress constructed from the fat in my cheeks?

 Setting Captives Free: a Christianity-based app

I was relieved when Dr Christian Jessen explained that actually surgery was not necessary, and he prescribed me an app called ‘Setting captives free’. He said that a lot of people had tried it and that it never worked, so I was excited to give it a try, hopeful that at least I could bring my condition to a manageable state, one where I could marry a man and only have fantasies about Mila Kunis every month or so.

So I went on Google Play (Apple had withdrawn the app amid complaints) and downloaded it for free.  The icon showed a Christian cross next to a ball and chain. The app told me “Every day we help people just like you find freedom from habitual sins and learn to grow in grace.” Sounded promising!

I was a little perturbed, however, by the reviews on Google play, with 407 out of the 483 reviewers giving it only one star. Here are some of the comments:

“It seems the programmers didn’t include a section on how to stop being bigoted idiots.”

 “Don’t you closet gays have anything better to do with your time?”

“Not only am I *still* a lesbian, but I crave vagina more than ever.”

 These are a couple of the comments left by those who were in support of the app:

“BTW there is no such word as homophobic. That’s an invention of the homosexul [sic] community.”

 “You’re not gay bashing, you’re trying to help the broken.”

 The “Door of Hope” and “Sexual Purity”

I clicked on the “Door of Hope” (a sixty-day interactive course) under the heading of “Sexual Purity”. The other “Sexual Purity” courses were “Teen purity”, “Breaking the addiction of pornography”, and one for spouses of those struggling with sexual impurity. It turns out that I could treat my sexual impurity and enjoy a “newfound relationship with the Lord.”

screenshots of miracle app Setting Captives Free

Day 1

First of all, I had to pray before reading the lesson. Then I answered these questions:

•  Why do you want to be free of homosexuality?
• Analyse your reasons listed above. Did they come from a desire to please God? If not, are you willing to set aside personal agenda and make pleasing God your primary objective?

This was confusing; Dr Christian Jessen hadn’t said anything about God. But I went ahead with it anyway because they made it seem as if pleasing God was really important.

Day 2

The first question threw me into a further state of confusion:

•  Have you been feasting on God’s word?

I didn’t really know what “feasting” would entail so I was fairly sure that I hadn’t done it. Then there was a lot about Jesus and a woman drinking water.

 Farewell old friends!

The app told me to put in place an adequate internet filter, presumably to stop me Googling Mila Kunis, watching The Real L Word, and listening to Lucy Spraggan’s single.

I resolved to stop my addiction to the Ladies’ pond on Hampstead heath and, with great sorrow, I burned every piece of Superdry clothing that I owned. It was time to say goodbye to my old life. I went to G-A-Y basement one last time; never again would I feel the sticky floor beneath my feet, nor get frisked by the Lesbian bouncer.

 Fast-forward to day 60

Jeanette Winterson’s adoptive mother once said to her, “Why be happy when you could be normal?” It seems that I couldn’t be either. I had a major relapse on day 60; I binged on The L Word and bought Diva. The guilt was terrible. I was in a position where I couldn’t be “normal”, and how could I be happy when I was now filled with self-loathing about my “sins”? I gave the app one star on Google play (zero stars was not an option) and went to Twat Boutique.

*Correction: Serny Carpvik is intergender as opposed to a transgender woman as previously noted. Therefore, they will be referred to with the pronouns zie, zir, zir, zirs, zirself.

Sweden markets itself as the most tolerant nation of Europe, but with the new rise in the gender-debate, are they quite as advanced as they think they are? 

On 6^th May, Serny Carpvik and Louise Tidestad, two 18 year olds, opened the first known transgender locker-room in Europe. Speaking openly and frank – the pair exude confidence.

Carpvik and Tidestad, the two founders.

Carpvik, a young intergender student, attends Södra Latin Gymnasium, a secondary school in Stockholm. It was there that zie and zir friend set about establishing the safe-space.

The first move was to confront zir gym teacher. Luckily enough there was a spare locker-room that had been locked off. “He showed me this room that was in between the male and female room,” zie explains.

The next step was to hold a meeting with the school’s LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer) society, to establish how to go about formalizing the space. The group agreed, “It was a good idea to open it up and market with a gender-neutral symbol.”

With the support of zir gym teacher and LGBTQ society, zie approached the school board. Tidestad testifies to the helpful attitude Carpvik received. “They listened really [well] to us, every idea we [came] up with; at least they listened to us, and it’s not like they just [threw] us away. “

Nevertheless, It was a difficult few months setting up the room. Carpvik remembers, “It was a lot of work to explain [to] them. Why it was important, and how we should do it the practical way.”

Tidestad stresses this, exclaiming that the practicalities were the worst. Issues of how to establish the locker-room, misunderstandings with the caretakers and school board were big problems.

The locker-room at Södra Latins Gymnasium.

For Carpvik, the new locker-room is essential, “We want to show that [transgender people] are equal, and that they deserve their own changing room. They don’t have to be a bullied guy or a bullied girl – almost a guy, or almost a girl. They can feel safe and comfortable in this third gender, and that’s what we want to show. That it’s ok.”

As Carpvik says this, zir friend’s face changes, “Do you know that in Sweden 65% of transgender people between 16 and 29 have thought about committing suicide? That’s way too much. It should be zero.”

The locker-room isn’t the first challenge these two students have faced. Realizing from their early school days that they were both bisexual, they went looking for the school’s LGBTQ group. Finding only a small clique of friends, they set about creating their own society.

Tidestad explains, “We started first grade, and then we heard about some ‘LGBTQ organisation’, and we both didn’t know quite what that meant. We were both a bisexual girl and a bisexual boy. And we were a little curious, so we went there to check out what it was for. Then we realized it wasn’t really for us, because they were five friends, a really close section, and they weren’t very welcoming [towards] us. We just felt uncomfortable.”

When this group graduated and left, Carpvik and Tidestad set out creating an LGBTQ organization, “to make a difference”, adds Louise. With the Swedish translation ‘LGBTQ Corner’, the group attracts a large audience. “We have a lot of friends in our music section that we know are LGBTQ people, so we knew we weren’t alone. We knew we had support.”

Tidestad sings her praises of the LGBTQ Corner, “We have grown to be ourselves in this organization. It’s helped me a lot.”

Södra Latin Gymnasium's LGBTQ Corner

Carpvik cheekily adds, “Many people have found their lovers within the organization. Lots of couples.”

“We visit museums, we’re in the Pride parade. We have a Eurovision night tonight. We try to educate the other students – this person from RFSL (Sweden’s largest LGBTQ organization) came in and talked about identities and stuff like that.” They say enthusiastically.

It’s all very impressive for two 18 year olds.

Leaving them, it’s hard not to smile. Their confidence and conviction is astounding. Charged by the interview, it was time to approach the politicians about the issue.

Walking into the Swedish Parliament was an interesting experience. It’s very minimalistic, cheap and efficient. No fancy wood paneling or plush carpets – just plain-cordoned offices, like a secretary’s office in a public hospital. But then again, maybe this was only a unique portion of a lavish palace.

Jonathan Lindgren and David Winerdahl, the two representatives for the Christian Democrat Party, couldn’t have been more different. One tall, lanky and eager – Jonathan – the Press Secretary of Kristdemokraterna; and one shorter, stockier and shier – David – the Secretary to MP Annika Eclund, Spokesperson of LGBT issues of the party. She’s one of three members in Government since 2006.

Lindgren and Winerdahl, of the Christian Democrat Party.

When quizzed about their views on the transgender locker-room, they replied, “It’s a very physical answer to a moral problem. Values in school, more on that level, how do you treat each other? This is a physical method of preventing bullying, and situations that aren’t comfortable.”

When asked about the safety issue, David said, “In case there is a need, it should be something you can work out with the schools, where you can be excluded. I think it’s up to the person. If they want to change with others or if they want to be alone, or something. They should approach the school.”

For children it isn’t as easy as that. As kids, we don’t always feel comfortable approaching our parents or friends about our issues. They become bigger and bigger in our little heads until they’re a real problem.

Asked if they would consider rolling out the transgender locker-room in all new schools, Jonathan and David gave a definitive “no.”

“Not on a national level, not in all schools, no. Anybody that wants to have it should be free to ask their school. We would assume the local schools to work out the issue for themselves.”

Meanwhile, 27% of trans youth continue to attempt to take their lives. (Youth Board study 2012)

While David’s computer pings with a new Facebook update, the interview closes on another unresolved issue.

In Carpvik’s words, “That’s why we need to fight, to make the politicians and the people understand. We hope that this gender-neutral locker-room shows that there are people out there fighting for transgender people. They’re not alone.”

History was made in New York state last week, and though it may not be a landmark, government changing event, you can’t deny that it is adorable.

Carmel High School released its yearbook and in the section where students voted “best of”, the school’s cutest couple award went to students Dylan Meehan and Bradley Taylor. After their friend snapped a shot of the super handsome boys above the “Cutest Couple” label and posted it on her tumblr account, the photo went viral.

When students were initially handed the ballots for the class awards, the blank nominee spots were designated for a boy’s name and a girl’s name. Luckily it didn’t take much to convince the school to change it to Student One and Student Two after many people wanted to vote for the young boys. This makes me happy for so many reasons, but mostly because now all future students can enter in couples’ names, whether they are straight or gay or transgender or not able to identify with a gender in their teen years.

Both boys came out to their parents when they first started dating (about a year ago) and considering that father Robert Taylor does not feel like it is a big deal that the boys “won”, it appears that they have a supportive family. What is very clear is that they have an overwhelming amount of support from their peers, and this is encouraging. Considering hate crimes are on the rise in New York, it warms the heart to know that young people are spurring on the opposite of “hate”. I only hope that more high schools follow suit.

And just to end on an even more adorable note, Dylan and Brad attended their high school prom together, proving that they truly did deserve the title of “Cutest Couple”.

‘Shit people say to pregnant lesbians’ is a video collaboration between Lesbilcious and the Short and Girlie Show. Inspired by personal experiences of being a lesbian and trying to conceive or having a baby, the video uses comedy to highlight prejudice and misunderstanding.

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The video was shot in UK gay capital, Brighton, and features Kate Ballard playing each of the characters. It follows the popular ‘shit people say…’ YouTube meme, and as far as we  know is the first to broach the issue of lesbians and pregnancy.

The launch of the video coincides with the launch of The Fosters on June 6th 2013, the new US series of which Jennifer Lopez is the Executive Producer. The Fosters is a new drama from ABC Family which features an alternative family structure at it’s core; lesbian parents (a white police officer and a black administrator), the police officer’s biological son, adopted Hispanic twins and a foster daughter who has just left a juvenile detention centre.

In an interview with Rob Marciano of Entertainment Tonight, Lopez explained how her involvement with the Fosters was in some ways an homage to her lesbian aunt who had recently passed away from cancer. Lopez said “I thought of her often when I was thinking about taking on this project and the prejudices that she faced.”